It’s about time Conservatives made it clear whom they were rooting for, ruckus-wise.
Coming around only once every four years, it’s the world’s greatest stinging hornets and swarming insects poetry jam in centuries, if not more. Bzzz. There’s also a bizarre Soccer Kabuki Montage playing out in the background, to no one’s entertainment.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Apathetic but Freedom-Loving American’s Guide to the World Cup
Posted by: Kevin Glass at 1:54 PM
Do you not particularly care about soccer other than global geopolitics? Upset with others acting morally superior over you for not paying attention to the “beautiful game” of “football?” Fear not! I’ve got just the compromise for you.
Just root for the team from the country ranked higher in the Heritage Foundation’s Index of Economic Freedom!
What A Douchenozzy Idea. Hopefully America will come in dead last, and then you can lecture/console us because you will have made it possible and patriotic to root against ourselves! I like this, and I like you!
. . between Spain and Switzerland, you can just look up which country loves freedom more! (Answer: Switzerland. And they won, in a stunning upset and a victory for freedom everywhere.)
Right. FREEDOM! EVERYWHERE!
Here are the World Cup teams ranked in the top 10 most free, in order: Australia, New Zealand, Switzerland, United States, Denmark, Chile.
HOPE WE DON”T HAVE TO PLAY THE FREE COUNTRIES! YAY THEM! MAYBE WE SHOULD BECOME A FREE COUNTRY! YAY FUTURE!!
Chin up, freedom-lovers. At least now, if you want to pretend to care about the World Cup, you can rationalize it.
This afternoon’s match is South Africa (freedom rank: 72) vs. Uruguay (freedom rank: 33). Now you know who to cheer for!
THE HERITAGE FOUNDATION!! YAY!! UNITED STATES BOOOOOOO!!