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U.S. patriots issue Conservative Principles of Soccer Chart for cheering World Bee Ruckus: CONGRATS AUSTRALIA, NEW ZEALAND AND SWITZERLAND!

Jun 16, 2010
*holes, conservatives, flat out dumb

It’s about time Conservatives made it clear whom they were rooting for, ruckus-wise.

Coming around only once every four years, it’s the world’s greatest stinging hornets and swarming insects poetry jam in centuries, if not more. Bzzz. There’s also a bizarre Soccer Kabuki Montage playing out in the background, to no one’s entertainment.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Apathetic but Freedom-Loving American’s Guide to the World Cup
Posted by: Kevin Glass at 1:54 PM

u.s.-mens-national-soccer-teamDo you not particularly care about soccer other than global geopolitics? Upset with others acting morally superior over you for not paying attention to the “beautiful game” of “football?” Fear not! I’ve got just the compromise for you.

Just root for the team from the country ranked higher in the Heritage Foundation’s Index of Economic Freedom!

What A Douchenozzy Idea. Hopefully America will come in dead last, and then you can lecture/console us because you will have made it possible and patriotic to root against ourselves! I like this, and I like you!

. . between Spain and Switzerland, you can just look up which country loves freedom more! (Answer: Switzerland. And they won, in a stunning upset and a victory for freedom everywhere.)

Right. FREEDOM! EVERYWHERE!

Here are the World Cup teams ranked in the top 10 most free, in order: Australia, New Zealand, Switzerland, United States, Denmark, Chile.

HOPE WE DON”T HAVE TO PLAY THE FREE COUNTRIES! YAY THEM! MAYBE WE SHOULD BECOME A FREE COUNTRY! YAY FUTURE!!

Chin up, freedom-lovers. At least now, if you want to pretend to care about the World Cup, you can rationalize it.

This afternoon’s match is South Africa (freedom rank: 72) vs. Uruguay (freedom rank: 33). Now you know who to cheer for!

THE HERITAGE FOUNDATION!! YAY!! UNITED STATES BOOOOOOO!!

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4 Comments

  1. world cup  •  Jun 27, 2010 @9:08 pm
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    Oh well we still have next time..It just hurts the US lost to Ghna..

  2. Roxane Pavia  •  Jun 27, 2010 @11:52 pm
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    Hello guys,I like your site and it looks very interesting and easy to read,really!. I am from Italy. I love the Soccer and cannot wait till 11th June, can you?.But there is a problem camming from FIFA. It is that doesn´t choose the best teams in this planet for the World Cup which it should otherwise don´t call the World Cup a final, if you want to play soccer for the spirit of competition then go to the olympics games. this is exactly what the World Cup is turning to, and it su…, ire needed to beat france to be in and is not, jap beat lowly teams as bahrain, qatar, kuwait, to be in, is this justice I dont think so, just because you are in the World Cup it doesn´t mean that you have the quality to be in like jap can attes. Any way, I desire to see a super final on 11th July and my favorite winner team is holland,and my favorite player is Iker Casillas.Good blog and keep going.Cu!

  3. toma  •  Jun 28, 2010 @6:47 am
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    It sure does. Ouch. OWWWWWW . .

  4. Patricia Dinucci  •  Jun 30, 2010 @8:29 am
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    The next match is between Brasil and Holland.. Tough game!..