New York Post reports a terrible act of likely mental illness in Goya, Argentina:

A seven-month-old girl miraculously survived alone for three days after one of her parents shot her in the chest – apparently as part of a bizarre murder-suicide pact blamed on global warming.

The baby was discovered with a bullet casing in her chest and covered with blood by police in the Argentinean city of Goya, near the bodies of her parents and 2-year-old brother, the Latin American Herald reported Saturday.

Police broke into the home after neighbors complained of a stench coming from the house. The boy was found with a gunshot wound in his back, while his parents died from gunshot wounds to the chest.

The parents, 56-year-old Francisco Lotero and 23-year-old Miriam Coletti, are believed to have been spurred by their fears about global climate change, London’s Telegraph reported.

He’s 56, she’s 23, and he convinced her to have his children and then to kill them all and herself over a slow-moving threat. That’s mental illness.

Gateway Pundit seizes the day, if not any English skills:

Baby Survives 3 Days With Shot in Chest After Parents Commit Global Warming Suicide

What’s that? Like buckshot? “. . With Shot in Chest . .”?

– “. . with bullet casing in chest . .”
– “. . after being shot in chest . .”
– “. . after shot to chest . .”
– “. . with gunshot wound to chest . .”

Anybody? And “Global Warming Suicide”? And just what is that? He’s got a list of flavors of suicide? If some Bear Stearns VP lost it all and jumped off a building, Pundit would call it “Debt Suicide”? “Financial Suicide”?

. . Bear Stearns Veep Doesn’t Survive With Gravity in Chest After He Commits Fiscal Suicide . .

That sounds about right. Of his 5 sentence GW-death post, here’s the finish:

Someone should sue Al Gore. He played on their fears and now a whole family is dead.

Damn, except for your headline.

Senator from Alaska Lisa Murkowski is an enemy of the environment — and why is it that folks from maybe the most beautiful state want to decimate the place?

Anyways, she’s been trying to substitute the Clean Air Act with her own ‘Dirty Air Act’, stripping the EPA of its ability to regulate CO2 emissions. What a great idea.

For her greedy, misbegotten efforts, Greenpeace put this together:

Funny. Well, that may look like a comedic clip masquerading as politics, but that was actually some sort of attempt on the defenseless Senator’s life, or the lynching of her children, or something.

[Robert] Dillon said the [video] site featured “insults to the senator and her family — as if these people have no bounds, no sense of truth, and no interest in meaningful climate policy. Greenpeace should be downright ashamed to be associated with, let alone paying for, these ads.”

On the contrary, it’s pretty well ‘bound’ed — it’s satire. Sensitive?

“This is a perfect example of what’s wrong with Washington. Too often outside groups go for the personal attack when they can’t win on the merits. Rather than have a legitimate debate about the policy, they launch a smear campaign.”

There you go. If you ask Washington what the problem with Washington is, it’s people outside of Washington.

SraH n0 liKee G70abUbbLe WarNiN6:

Ken Blackwell is an execrable moron who will make up absolutely anything in order to bludgeon his opposition. So, this would be a typical Ken Blackwell post.

A Modest Proposal
by Ken Blackwell

President Obama has made his way back from the Copenhagen climate summit. The summit has sparked vigorous discussion on the Internet and throughout the world. Internationally, calls are coming for implementation of Chinese-style population control. In the UK, leading population activists endorse China’s policies. In Canada, the nation’s leading newspaper echoes the call.

Obama —> Global Warming —> Internet —> China —> Abortion.

Everything is so simple with Ken.

…China has for more than thirty years been engaged in a ruthless campaign of forced abortions. Beijing’s one-child policy, were it to be enforced world wide, would lead not only to totalitarianism and massive human rights violations, it would lead to infanticide, as well.

Women in China are forced to register with population “cadres” and report their menstrual cycles.

Completely apeshit. And classic Blackwell. It’s so stupid, it’s hard to believe anyone would print it.

Doesn’t it seem strange that after thirty years of such inhumanity, China is still one of the world’s leading polluters? They had to close down their factories for two weeks in the vicinity of Beijing just to hold the Olympics. They wanted the people in the stands to be able to see the runners.

Could Americans ever be forced under such an inhuman regime? Is this what Global Warming alarmism leads to?

I see. Blackwell here submits that China’s 1979 implementation of the ‘One-Child Policy‘ precipitated a genocide that failed to reduce Global Warming. Err, well then, let’s not use genocides or abortions to address the issue. Done!

Remarkable–that was a modest proposal. Usually, Ken would have asked that Democrats stop raping infants in their cribs, or offered that gays serve in Iraq wearing chastity belts and pink flak jackets, or…

As the President returns to American soil, Global Warming and his massive health care takeover must be foremost on his mind. I have a modest proposal. There is one thing we could do that would make a small contribution to lowering temperatures: We could bury, not burn, the bodies of unborn children who have been aborted under Mr. Obama’s health care takeover. Currently, the practice is to incinerate the hundreds of thousands of bodies cruelly of those denied the right to life.

…oooookay. There it is. Bury aborted fetuses to save CO2.

What can I say? Ken Blackwell is the best.

…By requiring these abortion centers—these modern-day tophets–around our country to bury, not burn, the bodies of their victims, we could literally lower the temperatures. Facing the truth about abortion is the first step to resolving this deeply divisive question.

And banking the fires of the crematoria would be a first step toward peace on earth.

Oops, I’ve overestimated Ken. It’s not about carbon dioxide.

Bury aborted fetuses to save heat. It ain’t ‘Global Fizzing,’ right?

Hey, Bill, why not make the case that Global Warming is a crock of bull? Because you can’t. You’re not a scientist. But you are totally more smarter than that: you’re a government-hating Libertarian. Well, that settles it.

And it’s your turn, your time to blow it all out of the water. So you’ll post a gawdawful boring, long-ass children’s story about the polar bears who are tired of hearing lies and being harassed by a government that now oppresses them. Ooh, edgy.

The White Ones know and can prove that Global Warming’s a mountain of hooey. Why, how? I just told you, they’re polar bears, duh. And they say that the worst winter ever is coming. And, look, it’s happening! Brrrr–see? Well, that should do it. Freedom, anyone?

It’s a familiar Libertarian gambit: indictment by epic fairy tale. Just buy their crock of bull, and ours will make no sense.

G.P. Bear Goes to Washington: The True Story of a Freedom-Loving Carnivore
by Bill Steigerwald

“…because of global climate change, polar bears are suffering population losses and may soon become extinct. Rising temperatures are melting the sea ice earlier and earlier each summer, leaving the bears less time to hunt for their primary food – ringed seals. If we don’t reduce our burning of fossil fuels soon, scientists say the only place our children will be able to see these magnificent creatures will be in a zoo or in a Walt Disney movie. For CNN, I’m Anderson Cooper.”

“Extinct!?” Grandpa roared, slapping the arms of his leather chair with his huge paws. “Melting sea ice!? Shrinking bear populations? Who writes this junk science, Al Gore?”

“Don’t get upset, Dad,” said Mother, looking up from her latest copy of Reason magazine. “It’s CNN. What do you expect? Fairness? Balance?”

“What were they saying about polar bears dying, Grandpa?” asked Junior, looking worried as he came in from the kitchen with a bottle of Coke.

“Nothing, Junior. Nothing,” Grandpa grumbled. “Just a lot of make-believe.”

After dinner, Grandpa read Junior a bedtime story. As Grandpa was about to turn off the nightlight, Junior asked, “Grandpa, why do you yell at the TV? The people in it can’t hear you.”

“I know,” Grandpa said with a smile. “They live far away in New York and Washington. That’s why they don’t know anything about polar bears or the Arctic.”

Junior looked anxiously at Grandpa. “Mother said your heart will get attacked if you keep yelling at the news.”

“Don’t you worry,” Grandpa chuckled. “I just get mad when humans make us look like sissies who can’t handle a little change in the weather. We’re polar bears, for Pete’s sake. We’re not helpless victims. We don’t need the government, Keith Olbermann, Greenpeace, Leonardo DiCaprio or anyone else to protect us from Mother Nature.”

Tell that to the Brontosaurus Libertarians. Hmm, already the Arctic wisdom has run into a ditch: 99.9% of all the species that ever existed got murdered by that bitch, Mother Nature, regardless of their ideology. And extinction rates are now way up, thanks to Modern Forces You May Be Aware Of.

Fast forward:

Grandpa and Mother raced to Junior’s bedside. Junior was crying in his sleep. “Help me, Grandpa,” he pleaded mournfully. “I’m too young to melt.”

“Junior, wake up,” Grandpa said, shaking him. “You’re dreaming.”

Junior’s eyes popped open. “Grandpa! Mother! The ice was all gone! We were stuck on a tiny iceberg. The ocean was boiling!”

“It was just a silly nightmare, Junior,” soothed Mother. “The ice isn’t melting. See?” she said, patting the rock-hard wall of their cave.

Grandpa was fuming. He gritted his big teeth and looked Junior straight in his teary eyes.

“Boy,” he said firmly, “I’m going to tell you something I want you to remember for the rest of your life. We are polar bears. We are the largest land carnivores on Earth. We are the species ursus maritimus – ‘bears of the sea.’ We can swim 200 miles. We can walk 100 miles a day.

“We learned how to live on this frozen wasteland at the top of the world thousands of years before humans discovered fire. There are 25,000 of us alive today – twice as many as 50 years ago. We are not going to become extinct – no matter what Principal Hansen and her computers say. Now go to sleep – and no more silly nightmares.”

I imagine the Mammoth was a pretty rugged beast, too. And the Saber-Toothed Tiger. How many millions and millions of Buffalo used to roam the American plains 150 years ago? I tell you what, if polar bears aren’t any more intelligent than this, Bill Steigerwald’s gonna look bad.

…Senator Boxer added, her voice cracking with emotion. “Our irresponsible burning of oil, coal and gas is melting the Arctic paradise of the polar bear. Without our help they will starve and soon become extinct. When our bill becomes law, however, the polar bear will be protected forever from man-made global warming by the Endangered Species Act.”

Grandpa stood up. “Listen up, all of you,” he yelled. Everyone quickly gathered around the wise and widely respected old bear…

“An army of nature scientists, government bureaucrats and pushy celebrities will invade our land. They’re all part of what I call ‘The Axis of Environmentalism,’ ” Grandpa explained.

“They will say they are coming to protect us from global warming and to do us good. But what they will really do is slowly take away our freedoms and take over our lives. They’ll force us to change how we live, what we eat and where we can travel. It’ll be just like we’re being kept in a federal zoo.”…

“Who will tell those humans in Washington we don’t need their help?” someone asked. “And don’t want it, either,” added someone else.

The 100 polar bears had forgotten all about the football game. An uneasy silence fell over the bar. Then Grandpa spoke. “I’ll do it,” he said in a quiet but confident voice. “I’ll explain how tomorrow night at the town meeting.”

Are you still with Bill, here? Yeah, wow.

So Grandpa decides to go to Washington to tell everybody they’re idiots. How? By riding an iceberg. “Icebergs make it as far south as New York City all the time,” Grandpa replied, stabbing the map with his pointer. Oookay.

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I take off my beret to you, Conservative Columbos. I wish I could say it was all a misunderstanding on your part, it was just your indulging a fitful imagination, you and your ‘crazy talk.’ I would have loved to pull out an old chestnut like that one, but, look, you’ve just got us beat.

It’s time that we did what we never, ever do–tell the truth. And that is this: you have us cold. Yes, we did it. We were trying to damage you. We were trying to embarrass you. We were trying to knock down your nation, the United States of America. And, in so doing, we were hiding the shocking truths about our sordid political ambitions and lives from getting out into the world where horrified Americans would recoil at our hanging around, asses stuffed with balloons of heroin, wallets spilling over with kiddie porn and all. But you found us out, and you exposed us, and you put a stop to our best-laid plans to tear this nation apart. We, after poring over the broken pieces, would be assembling Iranian centrifuges with the remains right about now.

But first, there was the “Stop The Charlie Brown Christmas Special and its Christian Wholesomeness” project. As you know, Charles Schulz’s animated transformation of The Living Bible is a ringing endorsement of the Republican Party, so we figured we’d do something about it.

And we did: we contacted the White House to coordinate an attack on its airing. The President himself decided that he’d schedule a needless speech, at some place like West Point, addressing some odd thing like the War in Afghanistan, opposite the cartoon special in order to get the networks to pre-empt it, blacking the Conservative sermon out.

Yeah, but didn’t you see through that quickly? Republican stalwart and not-at-all-ironically named Mayor of Arlington, Tennessee, Russell Wiseman, called it immediately.

“Ok, so, this is total crap, we sit the kids down to watch ‘The Charlie Brown Christmas Special’ and our muslim president is there, what a load…..try to convince me that wasn’t done on purpose. Ask the man if he believes that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and he will give you a 10 minute disertation about it….w…hen the answer should simply be ‘yes’….”

DAMN YOU, Wiseman, you’re a pest. You Jesus protecting Sonuvabitch. We’d only begun to explore the possibility of staggering the speech’s TV broadcasts across time zones in order to block Charlie Brown nationwide, instead of only on the eastern seaboard. We thought we’d just start by annoying the Peanuts faithful in Tennessee, but Russell was too smart for that. We’ll remember this, buddy.

“…you obama people need to move to a muslim country…oh wait, that’s America….pitiful.”

AAAUUGH–Wiseman again, throwing darts right between our eyes. Yes, we’ve turned your America into a filthy Muslim coven, now, for the love of Saddam, stop mentioning it.

That was bad enough, but then you all figured out this one, too: we have been bastardizing Google. We’ve had our filthy Lucy-diddling fingers all over the innernets’ most famous search engine.

We just couldn’t stand the way you’ve been knocking down our pet projects, one by one, by getting our secrets out on the web. Your writers, pols, and, especially, your bloggers have been frankly too intuitive and too quick for us to handle.

So we knew we had to corrupt the Googly. We called up the proprietors, whoever the hell they are, and told them that searches for popular right-wing terms had to get jerked around from now on. And they said “Well, we are a pioneering internet company, thus, we enjoy the butt sex. Done!”

But only minutes after our “TripleX/Gomorrah/QueryBang 1.0″ program launched, the whole scheme got exposed:

“…So it took an anonymous tipster to set me off on a brewing bit of fraud going in in the Google search service: They are ham-handedly altering the suggested search terms in order to promote a coverup of ‘Climategate.’…

But Google wants us to believe nobody is searching for Climategate despite it being such a big story, but I have evidence that it’s merely a coverup for political purposes.

My evidence is in the behavior of the feature itself. Watch what happens if you type in Climatega, nearly typing in the entire word Climategate:

Well that’s odd. Nobody’s searching for climategate at all. But wait: It’s not showing me words that start with Climatega. Rather, it’s showing me words that start with Climategua. Seems like a bug, right? Like those letters got pointed to the wrong place, almost.

Let’s back it up a letter and type in Climateg…

…still no climategate. Let’s back up another letter:

Well what do we have here? Climate gate scandal.

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You may think he’s just a rock-brained dinosaur, but he’s got future vision. He can see the whole impact/conflagration/mass extinction thing coming–which of our current dinosaur friends can say they called the last one? Hmm?

The playful Raptors that sit in the trees and eye you outside your kitchen window? The impish Pterodactyls that poach your pets, hacking pelt as they fly off? (You had put a tracking device on Frisky, you say? RING. ‘Yeah, Lt. Sanchez here, Feline Theft. About Frisky. Lo-Jack says she just landed on the helipad at The Bonaventure.’) Your kid’s pet Coelacanth? I don’t think so. (And, I might add–and I will, just watch–I am mightily impressed by the 10,000 foot high salt water aquarium you assembled for Samantha.)

And who of them were smart enough to put forth this logic: ‘Since there’s a chance we’re about to get flattened, you Global Warming worriers are idiots.’ Err, yeah, why worry about two things when you’d rather worry about one? The one that hasn’t yet begun and hasn’t occurred in…heck, I don’t even remember?

Goldberg’s reasoning is confusing. ‘Why fight your cancer when you could die in a car accident?’ I do admit, dinosaurs surely were not able to think like that. For that, you need a ‘Conservative Intellectual’:

Planet Bull’s Eye

The year is 2109. Celebrations continue as mankind’s heroic, century-long, quintillion-dollar effort to lower the global mean temperature by 1 degree has paid off: July 2109 is just as hot as July 2009. Few can contain their jubilation.

This is Jonah’s version of mockery, he would prefer we did absolutely nothing about Global Warming. Now re-read that paragraph and laugh, laugh, laugh.

But even as the carbon-neutral champagne corks fly, the sky darkens. A projectile of a different kind is coming our way. An asteroid streaks across the skies, giving the media just enough time to spread the word. The New York Times, now beamed directly into subscribers’ brains via digital-neural networks, fulfills ancient prophecy and warns that women and minorities will be hardest hit by the incoming object.

But there’s little we can do. The space flotsam smashes into the solar energy farm formerly known as Arizona. The space rock, 100 meters in diameter, hits at 50,000 mph with the force of thousands of nuclear warheads.

Yes, the ’100 meter space rock’ flying at 50,000 mph would surely loom and darken all the Earth’s skies……with its considerable bad attitude, presumably, utterly opaque and thousands of miles wide. And towing a jet black tattoo the size of the Sun that says ‘Born to Extinctivate’.

Millions die. Dust and debris blot out the sun and will chill the planet for years. Crops fail, billions starve. The heat of impact releases torrents of nitrous and nitric acid rain.

So horrendous is the calamity that some even wonder if the enormous investment in fending off climate change might not have been better spent.

Well, since the extent of the threats are almost frighteningly the same, no. But go on anyways:

…Scientists think there are millions of such “small” near-Earth meteors out there, and more than 1,000 that are at least a kilometer wide. Those are the ones that really leave a mark. Just ask the dinosaurs. And we’re discovering more every day.

A few years ago, a book titled “The Black Swan” came out. No, it’s not about swans singled out by the Cambridge Police Department for breaking into their own roosts, but about sudden, unpredictable events occurring far more often than we’d like to think. There are flocks of black swans out there, but we find it discomfiting to contemplate their existence.

In 2008, science writer Gregg Easterbrook surveyed preparedness for a “space-object strike” for the Atlantic magazine. He found that even though serious experts believe there’s as much as a 1-in-10 chance of a significant Earth strike within the next century, NASA doesn’t much care.

First, everybody knows Easterbrook is a complete idiot. Second, even folks who have no science background can probably figure out that the sort of Goldberg-type impact where ‘millions die’ and ‘billions starve’ ain’t remotely a 1-in-10, or we would have seen it during the last couple thousand years. Third, for those of you who take Jonah too seriously: no, there is no greater impact threat today than 10,000 years ago, meteors come and go all the same. Fourth, Global Warming is a current disaster. Montana’s beautiful ‘Glacier Park’ will soon have absolutely no glaciers.

…It makes you wonder. For all the rush and panic, the truth is, climate change — if real — is a very slow-moving catastrophe. Moreover, it happens to align with an ideological and political agenda the left has been pushing for generations: Unregulated economic growth is bad and must be controlled by experts; nature is our master, and we must be her servants. What a convenient truth for environmentalists.

Meanwhile, a “deep impact” is a terribly inconvenient threat, partly because it requires making peace with the idea that nature can be conquered.

Better to not even think about it.

Don’t buy this shit–Goldberg doesn’t think about it at all. His game here is obvious–point out the ‘misplaced’ worrying over one by accentuating the relatively greater threat of the other. It’s both stupid and shallow: the relative threat is totally backward, and he doesn’t give a fuck about either one, and he never will. I’m not shocking anyone by saying you’ll never see him (again?) advocate taking the ‘meteor threat’ seriously.

He doesn’t take anything stinking of predictive science seriously unless it conveniently supports a corporatist agenda, falls in line with Conservative dogma, or demands that we go to war immediately. That is: unless it subjugates consumers, subjugates political enemies, or subjugates foreign unknowns. And with those drives, he’s sure to miss what could be real threats to all of humanity (like these two) which accumulate as our collective technology and intelligence progress. Of course, when nothing of interest exists outside of inter-class and inter-national war, what do you expect?

Which puts him in a peculiar state: being smart enough to comprehend the forewarnings of a cataclysmic danger, but doing exactly the same thing the dinosaurs did about it. Much more primitive than evolutionary ‘smarts’ should dictate. In a familiar embodiment, a ‘Conservative Intellectual.’ Always cold-blooded, to boot.

It’s a photograph, dumbfuck.

Why not, when it’s so golden, harmless and warm in all of its exploding, fusion-y goodness?

This head smacker comes by way of the hard-working people at Think Progress who caught an Op-ed by some fussy camels at the Orange County Register on the subject of Global Warming.

Editorial: CO2 limits are unneeded, unjust
–California first state to order refiners to reduce carbon output to fight a nonexistent problem.
–An Orange County Register editorial

The California Air Resources Board, seeking to reshape life in California by dictating to private enterprise, has adopted the nation’s first regulations to force fuel manufacturers to reduce their carbon footprints.

This is government by administrative decree from unelected ARB board members, administrators and staff, who concocted a fanciful “solution” to so-called global warming, an increasingly disputed phenomenon that hasn’t occurred for at least a decade.

What? The North Pole was almost uncovered of ice last year, the glaciers are almost gone from Glacier Park, Montana, but it’s not happening? Where do these people live–Disneyland?

Nevertheless, by a 9-1 vote the ARB deemed it urgent enough to demand a 10-percent reduction in carbon dioxide that fuel producers release into the atmosphere on the theory – also unproven – that CO2 increases temperatures. Reality inconveniently contradicts the theory. CO2 has risen over the past decade, but global temperatures have declined, precisely the opposite of what the theory contends.

A better explanation for the contrived urgency is that bureaucrats need to impose their Draconian rules before people realize they are unneeded.

There’s no evidence man-made CO2, even if it increases temperatures, is harmful. Indeed, some argue that warmer climes would benefit mankind by increasing crop productivity and reducing deaths from severe cold. None of that matters when government is intent on forcing change.

Great googly fucking moogly, whoever wrote this is an utter imbecile. He thinks that global warming is nothing more than turning up the thermostat in your apartment.

The world is an unbelievably complex system, and the role of heat in it is not remotely definitively understood. We do know it’s a driver of air currents, like the Jet Stream, and ocean currents, like the Gulf Stream, that play huge roles in determining weather patterns. These weather patterns determine what your particular seasonal temperature norms are, where and how much rainfall comes down, daily wind and humidity averages–you name it.

If you throw enough heat into the system, it gets thrown into chaos and lord knows how it will reset. Deserts could become jungles, snowy mountains turn to arid rock–no one knows what the end product will be. We know that this is possible because the Earth is billions of years old and has hosted all sorts of radically different weather patterns in the past.

We also know that millions, if not billions, of people will have to resettle in new places. Since we’re already pretty well located around and adapted to the best places on Earth now, as the global weather re-establishes itself, we’ll have to again identify and resettle the new spots. And everybody will have to bail out of the current coastal areas because that will all be under water. I think we can all agree that this would be the freaking mother of all disasters.

Utopian tinkering beyond the influence of voters arrogantly presumes ivory-tower bureaucrats know better.

He can’t even manage to get the cliche right? ‘Ivory tower’ people are academics, like scientists, who–yes, exactly–are the ones who know a hell of a lot better than this sad newspaper.

When science is taken away from congressmen, only scientists will have guns.