Rachel Marsden flashes her ugly American charm.

Isn’t it really KEWL, kids, to make fun of anything that isn’t already exactly Rachel Marsden? Look at that stupid dude, and his hat — HAHA! Like Rachel would wear that. What’s up with that red hair, loser? Like Rachel could get a decent boyfriend looking like a clown, sheesh. Did I mention that all of you U.N. retards smell like dogshit?

World Cup Fever: NOT
by Rachel Marsden
07/03/2010

PARIS — Ghana recently knocked the USA out of the soccer World Cup. You’re already forgiven for not noticing… When Ghana won, a fan wrote on the FIFA website that the U.S. used to rule the world but now will learn that it’s changing. Eighteen years without a dictator running your country is a good start, but let’s not confuse life with a game. When this can be achieved, then you’ll know you’ve really matured.

That’s right, Rachel knows maturity. Ghana sucks.

Interesting, isn’t it, how the various teams in this tournament are cultural microcosms of their representative countries? In the case of Team USA, getting angry in the wake of a World Cup defeat is a bit like flipping out a 5-year old who beats you in a potato sack race: He still has no real power in life.

We should bomb the fuck out of Ghana. That’d show ‘em who the winners in life really are. Am I right, or what?

I can’t help but notice how many teams from countries still struggling with simple issues such as hygiene and running water are just so happy to be participating.

Smelly fucking animals, all of them. Brown shit-caked mules. Yecch. Who do they think they are, participating? They should look in a mirror and then not participate. They could also be unhappy, which would be mature.

Like they can’t believe they’re invited and getting so much attention in the absence of a television advertising campaign, a group song, or Bono. The only other place these countries receive so much disproportionate attention is at the United Nations General Assembly.

Any attention thrown the way of the likes of Ghana is disproportionate, right? Smelly, thirsty fucking pigs, kicking coconuts around their corrals. When they’re not praying to a frog, or making fucking bombs.

North Korea’s team did what you’d expect them to do (before ultimately losing): defect, almost as soon as their feet touched foreign soil, in an attempt to start a better life in one of the world’s biggest crime capitals (Johannesburg).

Stupid bastard commie fucking rats. Johannesburg is so full of thieves.

Speaking of which—the French team still hasn’t recovered from the relentless ball-kicking administered by their countrymen since the team’s first-round defeat.

Dirty French losers.

Sports fans at my gym in Paris were more aghast at the early loss than they are by the fact that the gym’s air conditioning has been broken for at least a month in up to 95F summer heat.

Sweaty stinking French people.

France Soir newspaper’s headline pleaded with the team to “respect” those who care about them—much like a French wife who just discovered the man whose dirty underwear she lovingly washes has let her down.

Fucking French people shit their underwear. It’s true.

“We Want Goals!” screamed the same newspaper’s headline a few days earlier, as though the players were mooching public funds.

Or as though the players weren’t scoring goals. Retards.

“But they are disgracing the uniform!” I was told. Oh, right. Like that hasn’t happened since the Napoleonic Wars. Now suddenly it’s a national emergency?

Fucking cowards.

Mediocrity doesn’t entrench itself this reliably overnight. What the French are now witnessing is the culmination of directed efforts in this regard over centuries, and accelerated over the past few decades. Excellence has been culturally bred out, with the Equipe de France being the coup de grace.

It took centuries of mediocrity for France to get into the final last time and for them to win the whole thing 3 World Cups ago? Stupid stupid people, or game, or tournament. Or whatever.

Wasn’t the soccer circus all a prissy pantomime for sticky-fingered toddlers a few seconds ago? At the top of the column? Now it’s the coup de grace for the nation of France? Goodbye, France. Ah, “but let’s not confuse life with a game.”

You get the feeling Rachel’s acting a catty bitch on behalf of her boyfriend, America! Well, it’s his birthday today. Is he feeling down about turning 234 years old? You know what that means, Rachel: time for a blowjob. You suck.

Soccer Is a Socialist Sport
By Marc Thiessen
June 30, 2010, 11:52 am

. . The world is crazy for soccer, but most Americans don’t give a hoot about the sport. Why? Many years ago, my former White House colleague Bill McGurn pointed out to me the real reason soccer hasn’t caught on in the good old U.S.A. It’s simple, really: Soccer is a socialist sport.

(. . in an anonymous suburban entertainment cavern, over blaring channel interruptions . .)

*click* *click* . . nothin’ much on today, Steve-O. *click* When’s the football draft again?

It’s almost as if . . the government controlled the means of production . .

Think about it. Soccer is the only sport in the world where you cannot use the one tool that distinguishes man from beast: opposable thumbs.

*click* *click* . . nothin’ much on today, Steve-O. *click* When’s the football draft again?

Fuck it. *click*

“No hands” is a rule only a European statist could love. (In fact, with the web of high taxes and regulations that tie the hands of European entrepreneurs, “no hands” kind of describes their economic theories as well.)

( . . with Klaus The Collectivist and Boris Bag-O-Borscht, as they are about to toss the CEO of American Eagle Products And Innovation into the East River . .)

Boris!

What are we — capitalist pigs?

Capitalist sports are exciting—people often hit each other, sometimes even score. Soccer fans are excited by an egalitarian 0-0 tie. When soccer powerhouses Brazil and Portugal met recently at the World Cup, they played for 90 minutes—and combined got just eight shots on net (and zero goals). Contrast this with the most exciting sports moment last week, which came not at the World Cup, but at Wimbledon, when American John Isner won in a fifth-set victory that went 70-68.

Those were the greatest 11 hours in sports anti-history. Thank god for barely incremental tie-breaking. And for tennis, where the gladiators face death by locker room stare and taunting directed through the umpire, who is usually a banker. People across the Continent who Tivo’d the match tossed their units into the canals, and everybody’s gondolas fell asleep and drowned.

Why is Marc bothering with Soccer, anyway?

Perhaps in the age of President Obama, soccer will finally catch on in America. But I suspect that socializing Americans’ taste in sports may be a tougher task than socializing our healthcare system.

Aww, he feels pressure. Marcie doesn’t like the sports thugs on his back? Wants to be left alone? Turn off the TV, moron.

Wait — yes. Yes, there is!

The boys at Power Line smell a rat. A Democratic rat. A unionized government employee rat. A money-grubbing stimulus bill fat cat commie wolf pack government cheese-eating rat. And aren’t we all sick and tired of those teacher, cop and construction worker parasites?

That’s all there is to it. Simple. Succinct. Stupid.

There are about 310 million people in the U.S. and about 160 million of those are employed, about 15 million of those are government employees and about 8 million are union members. You can see how we ended up running everything, how we got Obama elected just so we could douse the nation with gasoline and throw flares at it: pandering to 2.58% of America. Nothing much more to be said about us.

Since the recession started, almost eight million private sector jobs have been lost. But no worries if you’re a government employee; in the public sector, almost 600,000 jobs have been gained. We are experiencing a deep private sector recession, combined with a government boom:

I'd hardly call it a 'boom,' but there are more employees. And that's exactly how the graph is supposed to look, that's a good thing in a recession.

That was the whole idea behind the stimulus, duh. The government would step in to shoulder the employment load while the private sector was tanking. How's about another graph? This one shows where the $750 billion in stimulus funds were allocated:

Infrastructure and science, education and training and healthcare all increase the numbers of people on government payrolls. I’d certainly rather have people doing those things for the nation than have them sitting at home, looking for work. I don’t mind at all having my taxes spent that way.

Incidentally, did you notice how those three bubbles added together are still much smaller than the tax bubble? About 1/3 of the America-killing stimulus bill, the largest allocation by far, are Republicans’ vaunted tax cuts. Those were implemented far more quickly than the other provisions, so, if the bill’s been a failure so far, you know what to blame.

Workers of the private sector, arise! You can no longer afford to keep your public sector masters in the lavish style to which they have become accustomed.

Bow before us, the guys who build your roads and bridges!

A simple way to think about the Democratic Party is, you’re the human being, they’re the tapeworm. Yet they claim a weird sort of parasite’s moral superiority over you: if you point out that they have their hand in your pocket, you’re a “smartass.” The Democratic Party needs to be torn, root and branch, from our public life.

We should be murdered, every last nurse and fireman.

• 

Tobacco Taxes Finance Terrorism by Deroy Murdock
06/07/2010

NEW YORK — The next terror attack on America could be a self-inflicted wound – specifically a cigarette burn.

Tobacco taxes are mostly a states’ thing. The revenues get funneled to terrorists? Really?! This I gotta hear. Gotta be some sorta LeCarre spy thingie where the bureaucrat in charge of moving funds from one account to another is blackmailed by his supermodel mole/lover. He gets killed, of course, with two rounds to the back of his head, all in some fancy beige high-rise hotel. Gets duct-taped in the silken sheets and hurled off the balcony.

Tobacco taxes create a perfect arbitrage opportunity that radical Muslims exploit to collect money for terrorist groups that murder Americans and our allies. Tobacco taxes should be cut, or at least frozen, before they fuel further Islamic-extremist violence.

Consider the first attack on the Twin Towers, which killed six and injured 1,040. As Patrick Fleenor recalled in a Cato Institute study, “counterfeit cigarette tax stamps were found in an apartment used by members of the Egyptian Islamic Jihad cell that carried out the 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center” . .

A $2.70 spread separates Virginia’s 30-cent-per-pack cigarette tax and Connecticut’s at $3.00. Driving 1,500 cigarette cartons (10 packs per carton) from Arlington to Hartford yields $40,500 per trip.

Joint Terrorism Task Force Alert: the facile Terrorists have invented . .

Every once in a while, I come across a post that’s basically gibberish. Like squirrels skracking furiously in trees as they chase each other around, lonely dogs whining in kennel pens, starved for food and companionship. Or the industrial grind of giant garbage trucks crushing refuse in back alleys, trebled by the random work-chat of helpers. That sort of thing.

This post isn’t nearly that intelligible. This is more like the harrowing interference you get when you simultaneously press the buttons on two walkie talkies and bring them together: eehhHRRAAIIYYYOOOOUUUP.

AAUGH. Rick Moran (ha) of Right Wing Nuthouse and Pajamas Media can’t seem to make any sense out of what he’s so convinced of. He’s thinking ‘victimization’ is bad for men and bad for America. Okay. But after that, the thinking rushes to crude imbecility, taking the post with it.

Forget that ‘victim’ is not some highfalutin concept. Never mind that mistakes happen, that bad things happen, that corrections are often possible and reasonable to expect. Moran says that once the disaster has occurred, and Loser America sees that you’re the victim, be a man and do the proper thing: shut the fuck up. Then, get really pissed and pound somebody’s ass.

Then: Run to Daylight. Now: Whine to Oprah
‘Pitcher Armando Galarraga is the poster boy for modern, Oprahfied American sports. But I would take the attitude of a Vince Lombardi any day over Galarraga and his touchy-feely sensibilities.’

---

Moran is going to try to use the guy who pitched a perfect game but got robbed by a blown call to teach us about America. Bad idea. Here:

. . Sprinting down the line, Donald stretched out his foot to make contact with the base, only to have the ball and Galarraga beat him to it. Donald was clearly out by half a step. But 23-year veteran umpire Jim Joyce inexplicably called Donald safe at first to the chagrin of Galarraga, Cabrera, and every fan in the stadium.

I must say that Galarraga has handled the blown call extremely well.

Damn right. There have only been 20 perfect games in all of Major League Baseball history: that’s about one every 20,000 games. Baseball nuts can name every one of them off the top of their heads. The umpire’s brutally bad call robbed Galarraga of a place in history. A lesser man would’ve ripped Joyce mercilessly, would’ve screamed bloody murder at the Commissioner’s office. Galarraga, instead, got off the quote about the now historic blunder: “Nobody’s perfect.”

Which is why Moran figured Galarraga for an un-American pussy.

In fact, too well. Galarraga was seen smiling broadly, which I suppose is the reaction of a man who wants to cry but doesn’t want to break down in front of 30,000 people. I can imagine what Don Drysdale or the fearsome St. Louis Cardinals hurler Bob Gibson would have done following such an outrage. The next batter that stepped to the plate had better have been prepared to duck as the very next pitch would have been in their ear.

Now that’s what a real man does. A CONSERVATIVE man. Screw confronting the responsible party, HE summons the courage to take it out on a bystander. Very manly, in a spineless way.

Know who else is a pile of pink lady parts? The umpire. Because Priscilla saw the replay and admitted that he was wrong. Unbelievably, he apologized to the pitcher.

Joyce’s reaction to all this has been unbelievable. He is being praised from one end of the country to the other for his “honesty” in admitting his mistake. He should be fined, suspended, and prevented from working either the postseason or the All-Star Game. Not for missing the call but for undermining his and every other umpire’s credibility by actually talking to the press about it in the first place, and then not having the courage to stand by his decision made in real time on the field.

That’s right. In right-wing world, you build credibility by refusing to admit or even want to know that you could be wrong.

– “Hey Helen Keller, did you blow the call?”
– ‘Slurp a cock.’
– ” . . . there goes the best umpire in the Major Leagues.”

Admitting he screwed up, Jim Joyce, what a Euro loser. And can you sense a George W. Bush thing going on here? Hmm.

Meanwhile, Galarraga is receiving kudos for his “sportsmanship” in not holding it against the umpire. Holy smokes, fella. Act like a human being (or at least a baseball player) rather than some Oprahfied dishrag of a professional athlete. In an age where parents discourage their kids from competing, where every kid who participates gets a reward, where there is less emphasis on winning and losing, Galarraga becomes a poster boy for modern American sports.

Let’s see: Galarraga’s an unbelievably talented guy, who just pitched one of the greatest games in 130 years of baseball history, who got robbed of the official recognition, who refused to excoriate the one man who wronged him or act like a petulant child and hit the next batter in the face with a fastball. I’ll buy that poster. Extra large, please — can I get it signed, Armando? Just write ‘To my newest fan.’

Continue Reading »

Well, I guess there’s just no keeping some people down.

Like your idiot uncle at your mother’s funeral service. The one who needed to stand up in the middle of the eulogy and advise everyone: “Aww, stop your sobbing, you pissy fools! People die all the time!”

Or that moron at your office. The one who interjected, while the videos of The Towers coming down were still on an endless loop just after September the Eleventh, “It was only a matter of time.” Whatever that meant.

Some people are just smarter than others. Some people just have the vision thing and a big, fat mouth.

Meet Alaska Representative Don Young. This Republican obviously is one of those people, sees the forest and the trees and that you’re an idiot. He’s reviewed the whole BP Gulf disaster, and, boy, does he have some good news for you. Brace yourselves — your day, heck maybe your whole Summer, is about to get a whole lot better:

It’s not a disaster. Hooray! It sure looked like one.

Millions of barrels were spilled during World War II, “and no natural catastrophe.” Well, he’s got a point there: that War was a natural phenomenon, like Halley’s Comet. The next World War II will swing by when someone again invades Poland in two-thousand-and-I’ll-be-dead.

For me, the interesting word there is “world.” It’s one thing to spill 7,500 barrels of oil a day into the oceans, across “the world.” It’s another to spill twice that much each day into a 3 by 3 by 3 foot space. Granted, it’s waaay under the surface of the ocean, but it just won’t stay there, shoot.

Considering his strapping genius and need to be listened to, I’m surprised we haven’t heard from him before. How many other horrid tragedies have we been foolishly mourning? What additional disasters might Don be capable of talking America’s frown upside down?

Certainly the Exxon Valdez disaster:

‘Congressman Young, I’d like you to take a look at this picture and get your reaction to the devastation:’

“It’s a coat. A naturally occurring coat! Oil is a natural substance that’s present in the environment, and it coats things — that’s what Mother Nature intended! She coats lady minks with fur, polar bears with snow and and petrol geese with oil. Haven’t any of you geniuses noticed where the hell this is going on? Butt-cold up there!”

. . probably the recent Tennessee flooding:

‘Representative Young, we have some images of the terrible tragedy in Tennessee, at least 29 people have lost their lives. As you look at these pictures, what thoughts come to mind?’

“I’ll tell you what I’m thinking. I’m thinking water is a natural substance! Can’t live without it — not you or me! I’m thinking the Good Lord himself knew that better than any of you, that’s for sure! That’s why he once covered the entire world with a big ol’ water flood — bigger than this one. And ya know what? He didn’t destroy the world — he SAVED it. Go on and tell your egghead FEMAs that. GO ON!”

. . and how did he explain the Bhopal disaster again?

‘Congressman, it’s a shocking tragedy. A horrific cyanide leak into unsuspecting neighborhoods, with people poisoned, choking, dying in the streets, dying in their sleep — an unmitigated nightmare. Over 3,000 bodies so far. Any comments?’

“Comments? You bet I got comments! Cyanide is a natural thing, comin’ from the peach pits. But it’s got a helluva kick to it. You got to spit it out. Spit ‘em out! What is wrong with these, the Indians? You gonna get a turrible headache otherwise! Whatever the Union Carbides have been handing out to the poor, hungry people there, I’m sure they were doing their best. But you got to let ‘em know — once ya get to the pit, spit ‘em out!”

‘Eh, congressman? It wasn’t food, it was a gas leak. A cyanide gas leak.’

“Exackly! Can’t go on with peach pits in ya’ lungs!”

Politics first, last and always with the Bushies:

Do you remember this fool? She’s a legend:

Friday, May 07, 2010

Greek Plans for Recovery are OPPOSITE of Obama’s Plans for America
Posted by: Meredith Jessup at 11:12 AM

According to the New York Times, Greece has to swallow some “bitter pills” in order to get on the road to economic recovery. In exchange for an IMF/EU bailout, Greece has agreed to an austerity plan that strangely resembles conservatives’ dreams for American prosperity.

Many of the measures the IMF/EU demands Greece must implement in order to help improve its economy run opposite to the Obama administration’s agenda for America.

NYTimes: Among the most significant features of the plan, a Greek government official said, would be a measure making it easier for the government to lay off some of the many thousands of public sector workers, whose low levels of productivity and high wages are a big contributor to Greece’s debt problem.

USA: “Government workers, especially at the federal level, make salaries that are scandalously higher than those paid to private sector workers.”

NYTimes: Another reform high on the list is removing the state from the marketplace in crucial sectors like health care, transportation and energy and allowing private investment.

USA: Obamacare, parity for pedalers, cap and tax… among MANY others.

Are we seeing a pattern yet?

The rhetoric just keeps getting creepier and creepier. It certainly makes me wonder if the crash of some terrible event will be required before it will stop.

The right-wingers’ fears aren’t just unleashed, they’re at bay, growling and clawing, running wild and free across the familiar wingnut neighborhoods. Nothing seems too extreme for Conservatives to champion or to rehabilitate in anticipation of the apocalyptic Civil War that is obviously looming on some unseen crimson horizon.

WOW. This guy, Baldwin, is drawing absolutely no distinction between Americans fighting to get away from an armed, murderous and oppressive colonial power in 1776 and Southern Americans fighting to get away from the increasingly slavery-intolerant Northern states in 1861. Apparently, the reasons for secession are immaterial, it’s just secession itself which is super-duper and godly. I hope no one is actually buying this brutal stupidity.

Again: armed and violent rebellion is itself an awesome, godly American
thing. How dare any of you condemn it for any reason because it’s alllllllllllllllll the saaaaaaame. Chickenshits, hypocrites.

You can bet that Baldwin’s Bible comes down squarely on the side of revolution.

Chuck doesn’t seem to care who or what America is or was, what our identities, values, traditions, histories or natures are, what our intentions are or were — none of that seems to mean a good God Damn. Secession Is Just Good.

Greasing the skids for some new patriots, terrific.

“Naoh dohgs, Sheila.”

‘It’s a guide dog.’

“A GAY dohg? OI!”

‘A GUIDE DOG. GUIDE. DOG.’

“GAY DOHG? OI!“

This fool wrote a ‘comical’ post calling for the repeal of the 19th Amendment, the one giving women the right to vote. Why? Because of his reading of recent polling in Nevada over citizens’ choices for the Senate seat currently held by Harry Reid. Women, he said, were ‘biased’ and ‘fickle’. Yes, he’s stupid enough to try to ascribe two opposing forces (like ‘random’ and ‘predictable’) to the same thing.

Anyway, he got plenty of heat for it. So he merely posed as if he were far smarter than the real idiots knew: you people can neither argue the facts nor recognize satire.

Without once addressing the fundamental postulate that men and women are delightfully different, I was called an idiot, an (expletive deleted) moron, an ignorant redneck male chauvinist, a racist, a sexist, a narrow minded and crude douchebag, unsophisticated, ignorant, a flat earther, a fool, a Neanderthal and a misogynist.

You’d’ve thought I had drawn a cartoon of Muhammad the way the torches and pitchforks came out.

Judge for yourself:

Mitchell should’ve spent an extra minute staring at the data. The margin of error is plus or minus 4 points. So those 2 and 3 point favorable margins that “prove” the biases of women do not even exist. You have to know what you’re doing when you read these things: if the difference is within the margin of error, no difference can be said to exist. It’s as likely that women in Nevada favor the Republican, Lowden, by a point or two. In other words, his whole post is essentially a confession of his own bias because he made the whole thing up. Oops. No votes for you, Tom.

FICKLE : marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, or stability : given to erratic changeableness.

BIAS (3) a : bent, tendency b : an inclination of temperament or outlook.

Oops.

This guy is the editor of the largest newspaper in the state of Nevada.