Happy Friday. Yes, sshhh, I’m lazy. Let the silliness begin.

Okay. Number One: suave, thoroughly skull-ectable candidate:

Janny! You got my vote.

Number Two: Who’s sufficiently expert to volunteer testimony before the Senate Committee on Lipsticked Sloth Snacking?

Jan Brewer! Yay!

. . and whatever, who cares, it’s a peach Skele-Jan:

Marry me! Mexicans suck!

Laredo, Texas, wiped off the map by a Mexican drug cartel! Ranchers dragged out of their homes! Shot! Slugged! Slapped! Gutted and wrapped in foil! Grilled with salt and lemon!

Digger’s Realm
BREAKING: Multiple Ranches In Laredo, TX Taken Over By Los Zetas
By Digger / July 24, 2010 04:11 AM

The bloodbath continues along our southern border and now word is coming in that Los Zetas, the highly trained killers formerly with the Gulf Cartel, have crossed into the United States and taken over at least two ranches in the Laredo, Texas area. I am receiving word that the owners of the ranches have evacuated without being harmed. The source is law enforcement in the area.

(Update 2 story is now 100% confirmed by second source within the Laredo Police Department)

Founder of the San Diego Minutemen Jeff Schwilk tipped me off to this story and passes along the following information on the location. The ranches are said to be “near Mines Rd. and Minerales Annex Rd about 10 miles NW of I-35″.

I’m sure the Minutemen aren’t given to panic! Especially over incendiary stories about border violence! By all means, let’s listen to an honest man like Jeff!

There is currently a standoff between the unknown size Zeta forces and U.S. Border Patrol and local law enforcement on two ranches on our side of the Rio Grande. The source tells us he considers this an “act of war” and that the military is needed on the border now!

AAAAUUUGGHHH! I’M SCARED! AND PATRIOTIC!

Anonymous sources in law enforcement in the Laredo area tonight have passed on word that US law enforcement agencies are in the area and are weighing their options regarding the ranches.

THEY”RE SCARED TOO! YIKES! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

The media has been silent on this incident and some law enforcement in the area says that they are furious that the media is not reporting the whole story of the continued violence along the border. Their frustrations are understandable because keeping the truth suppressed continues to hamper law enforcement from receiving the true support they need along the border.

TRUTH COMING! HELP ON THE WAY! YOU PEOPLE ARE MORONS!

“Starting to smell like a hoax.”

*sniff* *sniff* I don’t smell anything.

As far as a hoax, that is a willfully done falsity. Why would I sacrifice my 8 year old website and any benefit I can provide the issue I have dedicated my life to on a fake story?

SEE ABOVE!

As for the mud slinging, sling away. I have put my name on the line, you have put an anonymous moniker on the line. As a reader I would put my faith in the veteran blogger of 8 years, with a proven track record, rather than some commenter who just showed up a few hours ago.

I stand by the story. You obviously have not read what a media blackout entails.

WHAT? IT’S A BLACK OUT! IT’S BLACKED OUT!

Here is another source claiming that authorities in Laredo will not confirm or deny.

VERY BLACK! GOOD REPORTING!

Hector Garcia , a city council member of the City of Laredo TX, has returned my phone call and aboslutely denied that any armed conflict has occured with the Laredo PD. He is quoting the Chief of Police, Carlos Maldonado. Mr Garcia went on to say that it appears two ranchers had a disagreement.

I STILL SAY SOMETHING”S WRONG!

Is this really happening? Probably not (despite the upsurge in violence just over the border), but what’s even scarier than the heavily armed Zetas is that stories like this have become difficult to confirm or refute.

WHY DIDN”T WE KNOW? IT’S SO FISHY! I AM SCARED AGAIN!

We know that the establishment media places supporting Obama far ahead of informing the public. But as for whether a blanket of silence has been thrown over a military incursion — in the short term, we can only guess.

UNLESS THEY BLACK OUT THE BLACK OUT! THEN WE’LL NEVER KNOW! EXCEPT FOR I JUST MENTIONED IT! HOLY CRAP, I JUST BEAT THE BLACK OUT! WELL TECHNICALLY IT’S THE ‘BLACK OUT’ BLACK OOT! WHOA LOOK AT THAT TYPO! STARTING TO FREAK HERE! I KNEW — wait, now it’s a ‘military incursion’?

In a totalitarian state, rumors supplant news. We’re not there yet, but we can see it from here.

WE MADE IT UP! THAT PROVES OBAMA’S A FASCIST! IMPEACHMENT!

. . On Wednesday, Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX) was on Lou Dobbs’ radio show and went a step further. He agreed with Dobbs’ statement that President Obama is “awfully close” to violating his “oath to protect the Constitution of the United States” by not completely securing the border [audio]:

DOBBS: The fact that we’ve witnessed both the Bush administration and now the Obama administration…refuse to secure the borders, refuse to enforce immigration law — at what point does this rise to the level of a breach of oath to protect the Constitution of the United States?

SMITH: I think we’re on the verge of being there right now. … Whatever law they’re not enforcing, I think it comes awfully close to a violation of their oath of office.

No? Well me neither. I’m scanning the History books but drawing a blank. He never secured the borders. In fact, no President has ever secured the borders in any way that would prove satisfactory to Conservatives — you know, those folks who demand a simply, routinely, patently Mexican-proof ‘secure border’ to repel The Brown People, of the type seen separating North and South Korea, or the Israelis and Palestinians.

Here’s a typical sign at the Canadian border:

. . but when did we impeach President Bush for his failure to protect our Northern border and our precious Constitution in this regard? After 9/11, no less?

More crossings feared along Canada border
Posted on Monday, November 12, 2007

BLAINE, Wash. — . . At most points, the only thing separating 0 (Zero) Avenue in Canada from the houses, fields, woods and narrow roads of the United States is a shallow, 3-foot ditch or a metal highway guardrail. Security cameras on tall poles swivel to track suspicious vehicles. Border Patrol cars barrel around corners to confront uncertain threats . .

But if the area immediately surrounding the inn and the border crossing at Blaine is one of the more secure along the U.S.-Canadian border, the other 4,000 or so miles are a security nightmare.

Given Canada’s open immigration policies, terrorist organizations have established cells there seeking “safe havens, operational bases and attempting to gain access to the USA,” according to a 1998 report from the Canadian Security Intelligence Service. The report said that more than 50 terrorist groups might be present, including Hezbollah, Hamas and other radical Islamic groups from Iran and Algeria.

A 2006 report from the Nixon Center, a Washington, D.C., policy institute, quoted a senior FBI official as saying that Canada is the most worrisome terrorist point of entry and that al Qaida training manuals advise terrorists to enter the United States from Canada. The report concluded that “despite widespread alarms raised over terrorist infiltration from Mexico, we found no terrorist presence in Mexico and a number of Canadian-based terrorists who have entered the United States.”

After Alaska became a state in 1959, we then had an Eastern border, too:

When was that secured? Ever? Why has every President failed to uphold the Oath of Office? Why has no one impeached every single one of them? Why won’t Republicans do the right thing when Ronald Reagan or George W. Bush piss on the Constitution this way? Why don’t they love the United States of America the way I do?

Hey, when you’ve got what appears to be a winning issue, your job is to flog it, right? Beat it to death beating your opponents, that’s the game. Well, maybe not you — maybe right-wing nutjobs. Right now, it’s their job to tie a big winner, illegal immigration, to the front bumpers of anything that passes by.

For instance, you say the economy’s bad? Illegal immigrants steal good jobs from desperate Americans.

You say there’s a hideous oil spill, a devastating natural disaster, poisoning the Gulf of Mexico? It’s just like the illegal immigration disaster fouling our southern border.

Blah blah blah blah healthcare? BLAH BLAH BLAH ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!

Ooooh, this is fun — DeRoy Murdock wants to play! Here, let’s watch . .

Bullets across the Border
When El Paso City Hall is being struck by bullets, why is Obama targeting Arizona’s immigration legislation?
► DEROY MURDOCK

Niiiice, good opening. I had no idea illegal immigrants had opened fire upon the El Paso City Hall. Though, I must say, this breaking news sounds oddly distraction-less for the thumbless magicians over at the National Review Online. It’s still interesting. I’m in — what the hell is up with El Paso?

The U.S media have snored, as if under sombreros, right through the events in El Paso on June 29. At about 4:50 p.m., city workers were performing their duties at El Paso City Hall. Suddenly, a bullet pierced a window and traversed an interior wall before it was stopped by a picture frame. Another bullet smacked an exterior wall but did not penetrate it; the bullet was recovered and proved to be from an AK-47. In total, seven bullets hit El Paso City Hall that day.

AK-47! WOW — illegals strafing one of our city halls with AKs! Pissed off criminal brown types blowing holes in our government edifices. Holy smokes! Yee haw, this is some good shit. YA GOTTA TELL ME MORE . .

Police say these bullets most likely came from across the Rio Grande, echoing Pancho Villa’s cross-border gunfire in the same area in 1919.

Linkie! Hot damn:

“The City Hall of El Paso, Texas came under automatic weapons fire from Juarez, Mexico earlier this week, in an incident eerily reminiscent of sniper fire from Juarez into El Paso in 1919. In that incident, Pancho Villa’s snipers fired into El Paso after defeating Mexican federal forces in Juarez . .”

So, snipers shooting at the — wait, what? You’re telling me that Juarez Mexicanos were sniping at the El Paso City Hall? I’m confused — what do building assassins have to do with our illegal immigrants?

At the same time that El Paso City Hall came under fire, six Mexican federales were battling a gun-wielding gang outside a Smart Supermarket on Bernardo Norzagaray Boulevard in Juárez, Mexico, about half a mile away. Chihuahua State Police say they found 40 spent shells from an AK-47 and other weapons at that spot. Mexican Federal Police officer Domingo Hernández Espinoza was killed in the confrontation, and two other people were wounded, one fatally. Amid all the crossfire, bullets ignored the border (a common regional attitude) and struck the seat of El Paso’s municipal government.

. . . hahaHAHAHA — a shootout in Juarez, you say? Gangsters gunfighting it out with the federales — their bullets flew into El Paso, hitting the city hall? Goddamn it. Every other country in the world, bullets always stop at the border — but Mexico? Noooooooo. You know they’re doing this on purpose. Well, we should gouge out the eyes of all their illegal immigrants. That’ll teach the Mexicans and their snotty, liberal gangsters.

If only that bastard Obama hadn’t gagged Governor Jan Brewer with Arizona’s S.B 1070 and then raped her, none of this would have happened. A President who was serious about illegal immigration would’ve sent a couple hundred thousand soldiers into Juarez and shot up the town up by now. A really determined President would’ve stopped the bullets at the border with better detection and enforcement. A Republican President would’ve constructed a series of titanium U-shaped tubes embedded in a 15,000 foot high rubber fence to redirect those dirty, thirsty bullets trying to seek a better life. Now there’s an immigration policy Texans could hoot and holler about. Once they’re done, y’know, hootin’ n’ hollerin’ about somebody stompin’ on a bug. Or a funny-lookin’ penny, or a person’s head. Yeeeeehhhhooooooooooooo. Yeah, after President Romney sells Texas back to Juarez to fund the boojillion-dollar Goodyear National Yooie Enforcement Perimeter.

That reminds me — you know what’s even more shocking, Juarez-violence wise? When an El Paso Border Patrol agent shoots a 15 year old kid — standing in Juarez about, oh, 30 paces away — in the head, killing him instantly. Throwing rocks ferchrissake — ! It’s a miracle the agent escaped without a single bruise.

So, what — now they’re mistakenly shooting at us with AKs? Time to flatten this dogshit town with a nuclear strike. At some point, we’ve got to take illegal immigration seriously.

For some background on the tragedy, click over to this previous post: El Paso Border Patrol agent fires into crowd of Juarez rock throwers, kills 14 year old

Well, the first lies have already been exposed in the tragic shooting and killing of Mexican teenager Sergio Adrian Hernandez Guereca. Stay tuned for more to follow.

Allegedly fearing for his life and surrounded by a “crowd” (as I wrote, above) of violent rock-throwers, the agent, patrolling in the culvert that forms the border between El Paso and Ciudad Juarez, fired in self-defense and hit the 14 15 year-old’s head. Or so they said.

“Another agent arrived on his bicycle along the cement apron that forms the riverbank on the U.S. side,” [FBI agent Andrea] Simmons said in a release. “That agent detained a second subject, Augustin Alcaraz Reyes, but other subjects ran into Mexico and began to throw rocks at the agent.

“This agent, who had the second subject detained on the ground, gave verbal commands to the remaining subjects to stop and retreat,” Simmons said. “However, the subjects surrounded the agent and continued to throw rocks at him. The agent then fired his service weapon several times, striking one subject who later died.”

A Top 10 Rule for Post-Modern Life: Don’t foist a despicable lie upon the public that tomorrow’s cell phone clip will blow out of the water.

Looks like stone cold murder to me. Unless they suddenly want to add the boy, incidentally, had a bazooka in his hands.

That’s all I want to say about this today. One, it’s just too sad. Two, this is an international scandal worthy of weeks of discussion. Three, Americans don’t give a fuck. They are a hard-hearted people when it comes to the deaths and lives of Mexicans.

It’s not enough that we back the Israelis no matter what they do — now we’re gonna borrow their tactics, too?

Wait, I take that back. The Israelis wised up long ago and learned to use rubber bullets in confrontations with rock throwers. Well . . at least some of the time. Not us, no sir. For us, teens throwing rocks across the border fence-line constitutes a “deadly force” incident. By all means, go shoot one of them in the head:

Mexico asks for probe into teen’s shooting death by U.S. border agent
By Arthur Brice, CNN
June 8, 2010 — Updated 2129 GMT (0529 HKT)

(CNN) — The Mexican government is requesting a quick and transparent investigation into the fatal shooting by a U.S. Border Patrol agent of a Mexican teen in Ciudad Juarez on Monday night, the Foreign Ministry said Tuesday.

The teen was shot during a rock-throwing incident, Mexican and U.S. officials said.

Mexico “reiterates that the use of firearms to repel a rock attack represents a disproportionate use of force, particularly coming from authorities who receive specialized training on the matter,” the Foreign Ministry said Tuesday in a news release . .

Monday night’s incident started around 6:30 p.m. when Customs and Border Protection Border Patrol agents responded to a report of a group of suspected illegal immigrants being smuggled into the United States near the Paso del Norte port of entry, FBI Special Agent Andrea Simmons said.

A suspect identified as Oscar Ivan Pineda Ayala was initially detained on the Rio Grande levy, said the FBI, which is leading the investigation.

“Another agent arrived on his bicycle along the cement apron that forms the riverbank on the U.S. side,” Simmons said in a release. “That agent detained a second subject, Augustin Alcaraz Reyes, but other subjects ran into Mexico and began to throw rocks at the agent.

“This agent, who had the second subject detained on the ground, gave verbal commands to the remaining subjects to stop and retreat,” Simmons said. “However, the subjects surrounded the agent and continued to throw rocks at him. The agent then fired his service weapon several times, striking one subject who later died” . .

Ciudad Juarez spokesman Sergio Belmonte identified the dead 14-year-old boy as secondary student Sergio Adrian Hernandez Huereca.

Belmonte said Hernandez was shot in the head.

“The young man was not armed,” Belmonte said. “He did not have the physical size to threaten anyone. The aggression (by the U.S. agent) is evident.”

Ugh. So, will Arizonans form massive support demonstrations for the brave Border Patrol agent defending himself against the violent Mexican thug? Will they go on and on about how impossible it is to routinely enforce immigration laws when the immigrants are universally angry, armed and anti-American? Will they point out that even Mexican 14 year-olds are dangerous because that’s just the way those people are, y’know, down there?

Will the Israelis go out of their way to support the right of the United States and its Border Patrol agents to defend themselves? Especially in light of the well-known dangers being constantly smuggled into lands we’re obligated to provide security for? Will they see the teen’s rock-throwing as a shallow p.r. ploy to goad American agents into violence meant to embarrass the U.S.?

Will John McCain make a series of campaign commercials highlighting the incident, calling the courageous but overburdened Border Patrol “HEROES”, similar to our Iraqi soldiers? Will he then draw up a plan for a “SURGE” down at the border in order to get our people the personnel and support they need to “win” the immigration “war”? Will he ride the mess to victory in November and return to the Senate so we can see him on teevee every Sunday morning for another million years?

I dread the fall-out from this sad thing.

I’m starting to wonder if the law will ever be implemented. Governor Jan Brewer and the anti-immigration mob are so smitten with their precious statute that God forbid the cat should sit on it.

Arizona’s Attorney general, Terry Goddard, is no fan of the law. But he is a professional and will defend it should he need to because, well, that’s his job:

Goddard Urges Federal Government Not to File Immigration Lawsuit, Vows Vigorous Defense if Suit is Brought

(Phoenix, Ariz. — May 28, 2010) Attorney General Terry Goddard today urged lawyers from the U.S. Justice Department not to file a federal lawsuit against Arizona’s new immigration law.

In a meeting at the Attorney General’s Office, Goddard told the federal government’s lawyers that Arizona “needs solutions not lawsuits.” He said that if the federal government decides to bring a lawsuit, “Arizona will fight back.” The new law will take effect July 29.

The Justice Department lawyers came to Phoenix to meet with state officials as a precursor to possibly filing a suit that would challenge the constitutionality of the law, also known as Senate Bill 1070. The federal lawyers made clear that no final decision has been made about filing a suit.

The political nobody, Jan Brewer, who inherited the top position after Obama asked then-Governor Janet Napolitano to run the department of Homeland Security, has seen her popularity explode after signing the bill. The wave of anti-immigrant ill will poses her as a shoo-in for election and for continuing as Governor of the state.

So this law appears to be precious property of the Governor. So much so, it seems, that she’s gotten maybe a little paranoid and bug-eyed over it. Especially since she’ll be running against a familiar name in the controversy over the legislation: Terry Goddard.

The meeting between federal officials and the Arizona AG proved to be too much for Brewer to wonder about — she just barred her own Attorney General from getting anywhere near her meal ticket:

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer abruptly suspends state’s attorney general from illegal immigrant law defense
May 28, 2010 | 11:22 pm

A sudden new twist in the ongoing rhetorical and legal struggle over Arizona’s tough new law to round up illegal immigrants.

Late Friday night as the Memorial Day weekend began, Arizona’s Republican Gov. Jan Brewer, in effect, suspended the state’s Democratic attorney general from defending the new law in upcoming legal challenges. The measure, known as S.B. 1070, is due to take effect this summer and, among other things, allows local police under federal guidelines to check the immigration status of people they stop . .

“Due to Attorney General Goddard’s curious coordination with the U.S. Department of Justice today and his consistent opposition to Arizona’s new immigration laws, I will direct my legal team to defend me and the State of Arizona rather than the Attorney General in the lawsuits challenging Arizona’s immigration laws . .”

When federal law enforcement officials, likely at the behest of Eric Holder, meet with the Arizona Attorney General to discuss the law, it’s a “curious coordination” to plot against Jan Brewer. Or so Jan would have you think.

I imagine it’s safe to say that clumsy, anti-immigration Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is no media genius. It’s probably safe to add that she’s no political genius, either. But it’s certainly now safer to say she’s neither after the release of this silly commercial.

She and her staff thought it’d be a good idea to go after her national liberal detractors through the viral and social media. Unfortunately, this was the best they could do: a dirt-cheap frog fist-puppet, an amateur voice-over (likely a staffer or hack production assistant) so poor that it’s unintelligible, and a 3-line tune devoid of anything resembling rhythm or rhyme. All against a backlit-only background that our Mexican Home Depot locals could’ve painted and pounded out in 90 minutes. This is a statement by the people “driving the debate” on our national immigration policies:

Illegal Immigration Proponents Support Slavery
Posted by Lori Ziganto
Wednesday, May 12th at 5:15PM EDT

Illegal immigration is another area where the true racist and misogynistic tendencies of Liberals/Leftists appear.

Hello! I heard my name — what’s up? OH, another RedState whackjob. *sigh*

Racism and misogyny, yup, that’s us. Can I go now?

. . they are currently more concerned with demonizing the state of Arizona and it’s new illegal immigration law than they are concerned with protecting the rights of citizens. They’ve also proven that they care not one whit about the people coming here illegally. They aren’t human beings to them; they are merely political pawns and cheap labor.

They’re not even pawns, they’re lumps of coal. I collect and burn them for Winter heat. Okay, that’s us — now can I bail?

. . What isn’t mentioned ever? Concern for The Children ™ who are suffering due to strained medical and educational resources.

Wow, you really are A Strange One.™ Yes, we’re The Haters Of The Children.™ I’m off now, I have to go strangle some . .

Apparently, having their lawns manicured and their tables bussed cheaply means more to the left than the human beings providing such services. Why have legal immigrants when you can have illegal ones as figurative slaves, huh, left? Nor do they show concern For the Women, who are brought here, smuggled in illegally, as slaves.

. . yes, and I enjoy killing them all, the immigrants, The Lumps™, the slaves, the little girls in their pink jumpers, fingers all sticky from candy. Kill, kill, kill. I’m Murder, Inc.™ We’re done?

. . the left doesn’t care. What’s a little enslavement and forced prostitution if it gets us some cheap labor and more bodies at the ballot box?

Non-citizens can totally vote in America. Sorry: AMERICA!™ The pawns and the slaves and The Dead Children™ vote by the billions all the time every day. If they move or breathe or eat a taco, it’s a vote.

And this is what we do: we round up all their votes, and we hate on them and enslave them and prostitute them and murder them and burn them for heat. And you know what? *BOING* The votes themselves suddenly start voting. For us. That’s how it works! I’m tired of this — end of this post, please . .

I also believe in human dignity and the sanctity of life. As such, unlike the left, I recognize illegal immigration for what it is:

The new slavery.

The new Holocaust, and we’re Adolf Hitler. Go on, say it.

No, they’re not. And THANK YOU for making that dumbfuck argument.

There’s a huge difference: average Americans, like the gay guy at the end of the bar whispering about you, don’t have the power to violate your civil rights by having an opinion about you. When Arizona gets a certain opinion about you, they pull you over or interrupt your meal at the restaurant and send you out onto the sidewalk. Personal opinions, in the cases of law enforcement personnel, are no longer private and benign. They are the unfortunate impetus to do angry and popular will now masquerading as bedrock law, no matter its Constitutionality.

It’s not much different from having the thought, ‘There’s that guy, the one I always want to punch whenever I see him.’ But then finally punching him because Arizona just made it legal for you to do so. No — wait — it’s worse than that: it’s having Arizona come in and punch him for you.

Biden’s Botox Infects Obama
by Jason Mattera
05/11/2010

Now friends, it’s bad enough that the vice president of the United States has a forehead that you can break a brick over, but now Biden’s Botox is contaminating Obama’s drinking water.

How else do you explain our Dear Leader’s insistence that Elena Kagan holds enough experience to be our next Supreme Court justice?

Yes, yes, the brother is a liar, after all.

OOOOH YEAH, Bro-Ham Jason. Lay it on us. Preach, cracker-pot.

But still, the arguments the Obama Administration has ginned up in support of Kagan are mind-bogglingly pathetic.

So just for you, I’ve waded through the stories and found the Top 3 dumbest defenses of Elena Kagan.

OKAY, wingnut — let’s see it.

1. Courtesy of Politico, “[Kagan] is ambitious, restless, intellectually acute and even shares the president’s love of a good, grinding pick-up basketball game.”

Say what? She enjoys a “grinding pick-up basketball game”? Well now, that settles it then. Bust out the basketball trunks, throw on a jersey, and move yourself straight to the front of the line for a lifetime position on the most powerful court in the land!

Mattera seizes upon Politico’s dropping a detail like ‘playing basketball’ as a defense of the nominee. Mentioning she might be a centrist would be akin to building a phalanx of rickety atomic bombs around her. Saying Kagan is a nice person would be pretty much shooting Jason in the face with a bazooka. Perhaps reading a humanizing bit about the woman is too much to take for the screaming ‘You’re all Joseph Mengele!’ types? Politico, of course, is the liberal media.

What could go wrong? As an aside, can you even imagine Kagan “grinding” on the court? Ugh, I just think I lost my appetite.

Where would you peg the maturity of Mattera’s intellect? Pick a grade. No, pick a school, then a grade. It’s pre-college. I’m going with middle high school, about junior year. Alternatively, Antonin Scalia’s “grinding” would be incisive, brilliant and Federalist beyond reproach. Actually, that little jibe back at The Editor is surely lost on him: why would he try that particular smack with a male nominee? We are so stupid.

2. From the mouth of Barack, a Kagan court would be “more reflective of us as a people than ever before.” And if by “reflective,” the president means that most Americans go from Princeton to Oxford to Harvard to the University of Chicago…

. . okay, fine. She didn’t go to Roger Williams University. The Seventh Best Baccalaureate College in the U.S. (sub-region: ‘North’). Behind Cooper Union, the United States Coast Guard Academy, the United States Merchant Marine Academy, Elizabethtown College, Messiah College and Elmira College. How tragic for the country.

3. “Elena is the granddaughter of immigrants,” Obama touted of his pick, which is to say that Kagan’s parents’ parents immigrated to this country. And that makes her special how?

Awwww, Fail. That makes her like us, which is what the President pointed out. ‘We’ are almost all descended from immigrants (excusing our Indian friends, as they would have to go back a few thousand years), and more than half of ‘us’ are women. I don’t think the President’s speech was so hard to understand, really.

Now that we have those gems out of the way, enjoy the rest of your afternoon thinking about Elena Kagan in her booty basketball shorts, “grinding” on the court

Naw, let’s think about Sarah Palin instead. There’s a ‘nominee’ the 17-year-old Mattera could fantasize about, which is the whole point of politics.

YEAH. He’s upset that Arizonans like something. He’ll be back after he disagrees with your 2011 Oscar picks?

YEAH. WAIT — voters?! I think you projected a bit there.

Maybe these folks have been going about their little law-abiding lives for years? Maybe you’ve been demonizing them all the while? Maybe you realize the federal government will never enact some jillion-dollar Gestapo-like program to snare and permanently deport hundreds of thousands of your neighbors? Which means that it’s likely, at some point, they’ll be given a path to citizenship? Which they’ll surely take? And you won’t be able to recruit these regular folks into the Republican party because you’ve been screaming that they’re all monstrous criminals? Hmm?