Just look at Politico this morning. When have you seen such a pretty sight?

Story #1 is about poor, occasionally reasonable Republican Dick Lugar. He’s unlikely to win another senate term because he’s not Tea Party enough for the whackos who have taken over his party.

Story #2 relates how godbotherer Rick Santorum was nauseated by John F. Kennedy, an American of some regard.

“To say that people of faith have no role in the public square? You bet that makes me want to throw up. What kind of country do we live in where only people of non-faith can come in the public square and make their case? That makes me throw up. And that should make every American [throw up]” . .

In 1960 Kennedy needed to make clear his intention, as a scary Catholic, perhaps likely to obey the Vatican rather than Americans’ wishes, that he wouldn’t defer to religious leaders in his decisions. The speech helped convince voters that the candidate could be trusted. Rick rejects Kennedy, the separation of church and state and the Founding Fathers. We can assume The Pope will loom large over the Santorum presidency. Excellent campaign strategy, sure to win him those skittish independents.

Story #3. Former New York Mayor Ed Koch, mostly a moderate Republican nowadays, thinks Rick is crazy. With kisses.

“Santorum is nuts,” Koch told Klein. “And I say that in a loving way. He is someone who is of the belief that religious obligations that he has can be imposed on other people. Now I don’t mind his imposing on himself the business of no pre-natal care, no abortion. That’s okay from his point of view. . . You know, it used to be we did eliminate the right to sell condoms in Connecticut. The Supreme Court said that was wrong. Now what Santorum has said in affect is he would like to see states go back to criminalizing the sale of contraception. I think that’s crazy.”

Plenty of people, especially conservative Jews, still listen to Ed. Good luck with those folks, Rick. Story #4:

“It looks like we can throw Jeb Bush’s hat into the ring, along with Sarah Palin, as hoping to be chosen as the nominee after a contested convention,” [Ann] Coulter said on “Fox News Sunday.” . .

The conservative author, who is supporting former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, said that a Jeb Bush candidacy would be a disaster.

“I think on closer examination, Jeb Bush would be the worst of all candidates to run, for one thing,” said Coulter. “We don’t need another Bush. That would be embarrassing to the Republican Party.”

So even the stalwarts are beginning to seriously discuss the deus ex machina options. Dynamite. Golly, it was Coulter’s job to pimp Romney. Instead, she’d rather remind everybody that Jeb Bush isn’t the best choice for a busted convention pick. Somewhere out there, though, the right man or woman waits, right? What should Mitt do now, Ann? Open up back-channel communications with Mitch Daniels? How about a Mormon for vice president, buddy?

Story #5. Speaks for itself:

“I think we’re returning to the dark ages. What? We’re discussing the legitimacy of birth control in this country? That discussion, I thought, had ended 30 years ago,” said term-limited Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer, who dubbed the four Republican presidential candidates “Christmas packages under the tree.”

Hilarious. Story #6, Brian is right:

A new POLITICO/George Washington University Battleground Poll reveals the prolonged nominating battle is taking a toll on the GOP candidates and finds the president’s standing significantly improved from late last year.

President Barack Obama’s approval rating is 53 percent, up 9 percentage points in four months. Matched up against his Republican opponents, he leads Mitt Romney by 10 points (53-43) and Rick Santorum by 11 (53-42). Even against a generic, unnamed Republican untarnished by attacks, Obama is up 5 percentage points. In November, he was tied.

Obama looks better and better. Meanwhile, the Republicans descend deeper into chaos. Michigan and Arizona hold no hope of making anything clearer. You gotta like this.

I guess the pundits can put away all that talk of “No Republican has ever won the first three primaries before,” as if that meant something. As if Romney, with his numbers slipping in South Carolina, could win there and then take a nap for the next few months, the race for king wingnut being over.

Turns out Mitt Romney did not win in Iowa. Strangely, neither did Rick Santorum. The recount has the former Pennsylvania governor up on Mittens, but there are too many disappeared ‘ballots’ to ever get a proper accounting:

Iowa caucus count unresolved
By Jennifer Jacobs, Des Moines Register

There are too many holes in the certified totals from the Iowa caucuses to know for certain who won, but Rick Santorum wound up with a 34-vote advantage.

Results from eight precincts are missing — any of which could hold an advantage for Mitt Romney— and will never be recovered and certified, Republican Party of Iowa officials told The Des Moines Register on Wednesday.

Sorry, Willard. And Rick.

It’s not a surprise that the ultra-thin gap of eight votes on caucus night didn’t hold up, but it’s tough to swallow the fact that there will always be a question mark hanging over this race, politics insiders said.

Given that recent polls have Romney up by as little as three points in South Carolina, he could lose to Newton on Saturday. That would leave the juggernaut candidate with a grand total of one primary win in the season. Oops. Newthray will immediately call for anyone who calls himself Republican to withdraw from the race and to begin polishing his shoes. Great theater.

By the way, Iowa GOP: well handled. Nobody thinks you’re a bunch of morons.

He had to show up at some point. Herman Cain, self-centered clown, wasn’t just going to sit around while the other Values Bozos posed for Fox News. If the political universe desperately needs to fawn upon talentless jerks, surely Herman could lend a hand.

So Herman rolls out a “Cain Connections!” or “Solutions Revolution!” or some other poorly realized, utterly vapid media stunt by way of a slick video. Except this: it’s isn’t slick. It’s one of the cheapest, dumbest, digital slogs of derp to hit the internet.

Cain’s video team shoots the thing in his office. For the whole clip, the overhead lights are centered in his glasses. This leads you to marvel at Herman’s bling-specs, or the spontaneous power of epilepsy. The camera is placed near enough to his pumpkin to maybe misplace his eyes or mouth. Centimeters away, his lips fight like livid caterpillars. The camera sweeps in and out and over and over, nauseating everyone, pugilists included. The wrestling continues. It’s awful but you can’t turn away.

And then the highlight: Herman’s big reveal, his spectacular political vision. It is a white piece of paper on his desk. Yes, but he has written on it, thankfully, left-handed and in large scratches:

9 • 9 • 9

Energy Ind.

Sound Money

Peace thru Strength

And while you see this and think “That’s the deal?”, Herman’s voice fills in the details:

“We must be able to un-elect members of Congress on a timely basis.”

What?

“We must effectively and dramatically impact their decisions while they’re in office and before they get elected.”

Any other times, Herm?

“You know. Politicians are an interesting breed. When they feel the heat, they will see the light.”

What a mess. The disaster wraps with a trademark Cain touch: the camera closing in on his glorious face for all your life (not his, he is a god). You think “What an idiot.” A voice pops up completely out of the blue: “We are not stupid.”

Jeez, and the crew?

This caught my eye:

School yearbook lists Bush, Cheney among the worst people ever
By Stephen C. Webster | June 3 2011

Officials at a middle school in Arkansas are investigating how a list of the worst people of all time came to be published in their recently-released yearbook.

They’re investigating namely because former President George W. Bush and former Vice President Dick Cheney were included on the list.

They placed fourth and fifth, respectively, right after Nazi leader Adolf Hitler, terrorist figurehead Osama bin Laden and Charles Manson.

Reminds me of the time the venerated historians at Right Wing News polled their fellow intellectuals to determine who were the Worst Americans Evah. The second most vile, most disgusting American in all of history turned out to be President Obama. Jimmy Carter came in at Number One. Missing from the list: Lee Harvey Oswald, James Earl Ray, Ted Bundy, and pretty much every other bad person you could think of.

The razor-sharp historians were exposed to much heat and laughter, so they changed the post. Then they deleted it. Boo hoo. It’s a difficult thing, coming to terms with your entertaining lameosity.

But that’s not always the case: for WaPo’s Richard Cohen, it was a piece of cake. That’s probably why he bragged about it. Alex Pareene’s got an hilarious post on Cohen in Slate. Poor Richard knows he no longer knows anything about, well, anything.

Cohen says he now lives in a strange and bewildering place called “Xanadu” where he no longer understands anything. Like, what is Twitter, and why do people “follow” members of Congress on it?

“I have seen this Weiner. He is a homely fellow, certainly not handsome and not what you would call a hunk. Yet this college student all the way on the other side of America follows him on Twitter? Why? What does it mean to follow someone on Twitter? Xanaduns (Xanadunians?) apparently do it, but I don’t know why.”

Laughter.

But this is perhaps the truest paragraph Richard Cohen has written in many years:

“I don’t remember moving here, a country where I have never been before and where I know nobody. I don’t even know why I think I am in Xanadu, except that the name just came to me. It seems to make sense, which is more than I can say for anything else. I used to understand everything. I was even paid to explain things. Now I understand nothing. I live in a strange place and understand just a piece of what’s going on. At the moment, I am hungry and going across the plaza to that cute outdoor café. I think I’ll have a Kardashian.”

Have you ever seen anyone so fully embrace his reputation? Good for you, Richard. Now send me your paycheck.

Al Qaeda have released their latest message, and it’s a silly one. They’re no longer interested in the heavy lifting that comes with overthrowing the great Satan:

New Al Qaeda Video: American Muslims Should Buy Guns, Start Shooting People
ABC New | June 3 2011

. . [Adam] Gadahn sounds the same theme in his message, a series of soundbites interspersed throughout the video and accompanied by images of U.S. airliners, bombmaking and the logos of U.S. companies. “Muslims in the West have to remember that they are perfectly placed to play an important and decisive part in the Jihad against the Zionists and crusaders, and to do major damage to the enemies of Islam, waging war on their religion, sacred places, and things, and brethren,” says Gadahn. “This is a golden opportunity and a blessing.”

You Americans. Please shoot yourself.

“I mean we’ve seen how a woman knocked the Pope to the floor during Christmas mass, and how Italian leader Berlusconi’s face was smashed during a public appearance. So it’s just a matter of entrusting the matter to Allah and choosing the right place, the right time, and the right method.”

It’s sooooo easy. Step One: Knock on your neighborhood’s door.

Step Two: Listen for footsteps.

Step Three: Begin shooting.

“If it’s Allah’s will that you be captured, then it’s not the end the world, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re going to spend the rest of your life in prison.” Many mujahideen who were locked up “are now back home with their families, or back on the frontlines, fighting the enemies.”

After killing everyone in sight, they’ll put you in jail. Couple days later, after a good chuckle, they’ll let you out. You go back to the wife and kids, no one cares.

Rolling Stone slimes Fox
By Mark Judge | May 30, 2011 | The Daily Caller

I know this is like noting that the pope was seen praying, but Rolling Stone magazine just trashed Fox News and its chairman, Roger Ailes. Still, the piece, “The Fox News fear factory,” which was written by Tom Dickinson, is worth examining, if only for what it reveals about its author. It is a textbook example of projection — the phenomenon of a disturbed patient accusing someone of all the things that the patient himself is guilty of.

Perhaps Mark should familiarize himself with the common defense mechanism of projection before he starts sounding so smart? Alternatively, maybe he’s “a disturbed patient”? I wouldn’t be too happy about that, myself.

Starting a big fancy website like the Daily Caller from hack scratch can’t be an easy task, there are so many wingnut bloggers needed to click on their own posts and hit ‘refresh.’ Can you really blame Tucker Carlson for trolling his local sanatorium?

And to the left, Fox News is an all-encompassing toxic cloud over America, a chimera that will destroy the nation, a Grendel.

Fox News: DuPont weather phenomenon, or the first two mythical beasts Judge looked up online? Perhaps it’s all three, and Mark’s projection of our view of Fox is a Chimera all its own. It’s a violent, mead-swilling Viking with the head of a goat, the balls of a viper, and the bunghole of a smog-pooting lion. Beowulf just shat his loincloth.

He claims that Fox leader Roger Ailes “is deeply paranoid,” citing as evidence the fact that Ailes has a security detail and carries a gun . . Then there is this passage:

“To watch even a day of Fox News — the anger, the bombast, the virulent paranoid streak, the unending appeals to white resentment, the reporting that’s held to the same standard of evidence as a late October attack ad — is to see a refraction of its founder, one of the most skilled and fearsome operatives in the history of the Republican Party.”

I’m sorry, but it is simply not possible to take seriously the “journalist” who wrote that sentence.

You don’t buy the “angry” and the “paranoid”? Here:

Ailes begins each workday buffered by the elaborate private security detail that News Corp. pays to usher him from his $1.6 million home in New Jersey to his office in Manhattan. (His country home – in the aptly named village of Garrison – is phalanxed by empty homes that Ailes bought up to create a wider security perimeter.) Traveling with the Chairman is like a scene straight out of 24. A friend recalls hitching a ride with Ailes after a power lunch: “We come out of the building and there’s an SUV filled with big guys, who jump out of the car when they see him. A cordon is formed around us. We’re ushered into the SUV, and we drive the few blocks to Fox’s offices, where another set of guys come out of the building to receive ‘the package.’ The package is taken in, and I’m taken on to my destination.”Ailes is certain that he’s a top target of Al Qaeda terrorists. “You know, they’re coming to get me,” he tells friends. “I’m fully prepared. I’ve taken care of it.” (Ailes, who was once arrested for carrying an illegal handgun in Central Park, now carries a licensed weapon.) Inside his blast-resistant office at Fox News headquarters, Ailes keeps a monitor on his desk that allows him to view any activity outside his closed door. Once, after observing a dark-skinned man in what Ailes perceived to be Muslim garb, he put Fox News on lockdown. “What the hell!” Ailes shouted. “This guy could be bombing me!” The suspected terrorist turned out to be a janitor. “Roger tore up the whole floor,” recalls a source close to Ailes. “He has a personal paranoia about people who are Muslim – which is consistent with the ideology of his network.”

Apparently, Judge didn’t read all of Dickinson’s piece on Roger Ailes (surprise – it’s on Roger Ailes). He seems to have stopped somewhere near the beginning of the thirteen online pages before the piece gets into the nitty gritty of how Roger made the propaganda machine in his own image.

That’s not a particularly fair or effective way to develop criticism for someone, I think. But this is:

For instance, if I was to claim that suspended MSNBC host Ed Schultz is a misogynist and a fat angry bastard, I would offer a few examples: his calling conservative Laura Ingraham a slut, his jowly face, his hysterical meltdowns when taking about conservatives.

For instance, if Mark were to allege that Ed was “fat,” he’d write something like this: “I can see your jowls, fat-ass.” Can’t argue with that, journalistical-wise. You’re ethically safe there, Mark.

If I was to call NBC’s Michael Isikoff a shrimp . .

. . Mark would post, “You are a delicious filter-feeding crustacean.”

. . it would be based on the fact that I am only 5’ 7” and I once stood next to Isikoff and looked down on him.

That too. Good journalism.

Are you a little sad? Carrying some amount of dread? Do you sense that the union stand-off in Wisconsin will likely end badly?

I feel that way. The new Governor, Scott Walker, simply holds more power and influence than our union friends. He’s got the momentum, and he’s got the media, so he’s got the advantage.

Of course, when the New York Times acts professionally inept and dishonest in your favor, it sure makes union-busting easier. Six days ago, this was the hottest story in politics:

This thing:

Union Bonds in Wisconsin Begin to Fray
By A. G. SULZBERGER and MONICA DAVEY | February 21, 2011

JANESVILLE, Wis. — Rich Hahan worked at the General Motors plant here until it closed about two years ago. He moved to Detroit to take another G.M. job while his wife and children stayed here, but then the automaker cut more jobs. So Mr. Hahan, 50, found himself back in Janesville, collecting unemployment for a time, and watching as the city’s industrial base seemed to crumble away.

Among the top five employers here are the county, the schools and the city. And that was enough to make Mr. Hahan, a union man from a union town, a supporter of Gov. Scott Walker’s sweeping proposal to cut the benefits and collective-bargaining rights of public workers in Wisconsin, a plan that has set off a firestorm of debate and protests at the state Capitol. He says he still believes in unions, but thinks those in the public sector lead to wasteful spending because of what he sees as lavish benefits and endless negotiations.

“Something needs to be done,” he said, “and quickly.”

Gosh, something needs to be done. Sure, I’ll throw my good ol’ union and all my mates overboard. Got no choice. Why? Something needs to be DONE! This can’t go on! Jobs! Recession! Debt! Something! Everything!

How about . . lies! Turns out the story was bullshit before it hit 10 letters. Rich Hahan is actually Rich Hahn. And he’s not in a union. Nope, not, never was. Brand spanking new blogger Keith Olbermann writes:

Except the source, Rick Hahn, now admits that while he worked in union factories, he was never, you know, in a union per se. So why did the Diogenes of the Times, Mr. Sulzberger, believe he had found his honest union man? Because Hahn “described himself to a reporter as a ‘union guy.’”

And yes, Hahan/Hahn’s deception, intentional or accidental (and if you noticed the multiple spelling, yes, Mr. Sulzberger of the Times also got the guy’s name wrong) sat out there in the alleged newspaper of record for four days, during which nobody bothered to correct the sloppy, destructive reporting of the Family Heir. When they finally did, editors buried it inside.

And Sulzberger is the son of the publisher? Yep. Niiiiice. Let’s take a look at yer liberal media, shall we? Let’s look at all the workers Sulzberger interviewed for “Union Bonds in Wisconsin Begin to Fray”, the biggest story in politics a few days ago.

Rich Hahn wasn’t a union guy, we now know. Cindy Kuehn? “It’s about time the buck stops.” Not a union member. Crystal Watkins? “I don’t have any of that,” she said. Nope. Mary Kay Horter? “I don’t get to bargain in my job, either . . ” Definitely not: “. . her husband’s Chevy dealership had teetered on the brink of closing after General Motors declared bankruptcy, for which she blamed unions.” Dave Bergman? “There are a lot of people out of work right now that would take a job without a union . .” Self-employed bartender, working seven days a week, no way.

But wait — here we go, it finally gets a little better, just before the end of the piece:

In Whitewater, Ben Penwell, a lawyer whose wife is a public employee, said he saw no reason to strip away workers’ bargaining rights if they had agreed to benefit cuts.

“They’re willing to do what’s necessary fiscally without giving up rights in the future,” he said.

And Pat Wellnitz, working in his accounting office on Sunday, wondered why such bargaining provisions were needed if the real problem was simply saving money.

“That’s pretty drastic even for a staunch Republican,” he said.

But, then, the end:

. . others suggested that unions had perhaps had outlived their usefulness. Carrie Fox, who works at a billboard advertising company, said she hoped that the battle would encourage other governors to rein in public- and private-sector unions.

“I know there was a point for unions back in the day because people were being abused,” she said. “But now there’s workers’ rights; there’s laws that protect us.”

Not much in the way of pro-union anything. And none of those last couple union-tolerant folks is in a union that Governor Walker is stripping of powers. Actually, nowhere in Sulzberger’s piece is there anyone belonging to any union, anywhere. And yet, the New York Times heir apparent had the nerve to call it “Union Bonds in Wisconsin Begin to Fray.” Fox News only wishes it could be this deceptive and damning.

I’m going to try to keep this brief. I just spent, oh, 3 or 4 hours reading up on the disaster (actually, I’m lying, it’s probably double that), and I think it’s pretty clear what happened. It’d be easy to go on and on about it, but I’ll try to avoid that.

They were working on a well that they drilled, found their expected oil, and decided to shut it down in order to return to it later. They were capping it, getting ready to leave it behind, when it blew up. They had a violent, catastrophic ‘blowout’ that killed 11 people, their remains never recovered, and the well continues to gush something like 5,000 barrels a day out of the sea floor, threatening thousands of miles of American coastline and ecology.

The key to understanding the catastrophe is to realize that the oil, mixed with gases, is 18,000 plus feet down, hot and highly pressurized. Once vented by drilling into it, they had to be careful how they managed it.

Having tapped it and held it in check, they were sealing it. It’s here where the testimony between the three operators differs as to what they did, and who was responsible for the explosion.

British Petroleum has the rights to the oil, so they own the well on the sea floor. Transocean ran the giant floating rig, now dead. Halliburton were the hands-on contractors doing most of the work. In testimony Tuesday, they all blamed each other. What I believe is clear is this: they never properly ‘capped’ the well. [see diagram here]

The ‘capping’ of a well is a tricky thing, having to make the transition between having a constant, dynamic control of the situation and sealing it off, leaving it behind. With so much pressure in the well, the important thing was to keep the thousands of feet of heavy ‘drilling mud‘ in the riser (‘pipe’) above the well in the line. Everybody recognizes that. It’s what pushes back on the considerable pressure in the well.

The typical capping procedure appears to go like this:

1.) Cement the upper well area between the drilled rock and outer edges of the metallic well lining to provide a gas-and-oil tight seal.

2.) Drop a cement plug deep into the bore hole, above the oil.

3.) Drop a 2nd cement plug above the first, separated by some amount of drilling mud.

4.) Wait some amount of time to allow the cement to seal and to allow some testing of the ‘cap.’

5.) If assured of the seal, pump salt water into the riser to extract the drilling mud. The well is capped.

We know this: they were capping the well. But someone ordered the heavy drilling mud removed before the cap was properly set. At least one and maybe both cement caps were never set, but they began to back off the well anyways. With minimal ceiling pressure, the gases exploded out of the well and then ignited only a minute or two later, killing 11 people, sealing the fate of the rig and the Gulf of Mexico.