They were selling this shirt at Glenn Beck’s weekend God-Damn-Boree:

. . so I checked my Bizarro closet, and darned if I didn’t have it:

Isn’t that Dr. Laura a wise woman? Yes, she is — just listen:

You can feel her intelligence oozing out of the radio. Can’t you?

Wow. You know who else is real, real smart? Sarah Palin:

Thx 2 Sareh 4 de wurdz. Sure — do it again, Doctor N-Bomb:

. . now u, GuVern3r:

. . shackles of civility. More of this, please, without the pointless sensitivity:

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you.

Blogger Ace of Spades dishes out his compliments and insults in his own thoroughly imitable style.

Seeing a wince-ingly bad clip by pro-choice group Emily’s List, designed to score some political points at Sarah Palin’s expense, Ace realizes what political issue is suddenly at hand. It’s not about Mama Grizzlies, or the role of government or somebody’s presidential aspirations dressed as demagoguery, naw.

This is just politics about women. Y’know — how they are.

Top Ten Problems With Emily List’s Ewok Ad

10. Too much boo-hoo, not enough yub-yub

9. Silly costumes sort of remind people that these women have to play dress up to be Mama Grizzlies, doesn’t it?

8. One time seeing furries yiffing and scritching in a fur-pile on CSI was plenty for me

7. If Sarah Palin’s so dumb and silly, why is it you who are dressed up in the bear costumes?

Fair enough.

6. Video confirms age-old stereotypes that liberal women are nothing but half-witted scruffy-looking nerf-herders

Under the makeup, inside of the bear costumes? You can’t see but about 2% of them, but they’re all so ugly. I hate ugly women.

4. I can only imagine “what’s cookin’” underneath all that latex and wool… I’m thinkin’ these women must smell like Brian Dennehy’s taint’s gym socks

I hate smelly women.

…and the number one problem with Emily’s List Ewok ad…

1. Wicket just emailed me to say only one was worth “nutting on”

When a woman isn’t worth nutting on, that is a problem. By contrast, Sarah Palin is totally worth nutting on, probably worth nutting on her face. That’s why she’s worth watching on TV or worth listening to, even with the screech screech and the blah blah. You know what I mean, right?

Fresh off witnessing the mysteries of what the right-wing call “funny,” we move on to a bigger head-scratcher: The Sarah Palin phenomenon. She’s not just popular with the trailer-parkin’ mouth-breathin’ lots — that alone would be merely amusing. Conservative ‘intellectuals’ (?) find all sorts of things to praise about her. It is absolutely impossible, but it happens again and again.

Here’s a case: Tony Lee in The Atlantic writes the sort of piece that Sarah would immediately post on her Facebook page if she only understood it. No, she is not a gold-digging trifle, she is a substantive woman. She’s a major political figure who poses the single greatest threat to the Democrats and to Barack Obama. Tony says this is the force, the potential, and the political whirlwind. This is the future of Republican politics:

A Conservative’s Case for Sarah Palin’s Genius
May 16 2010, 1:24 PM ET | Comment

I hadn’t seen Sarah Palin speak in person since the 2008 elections. If one just watched or read mainstream media accounts of her paid speeches and appearances since then, including some accounts that have been featured on this site, one may have come to the conclusion that Palin was just a money-hungry ex-politician devoid of conviction, half-heartedly speaking to various interest groups and causes to line her pockets or raise her national profile to peddle books that she didn’t even write herself.

I call bullshit. No one said she was a half-hearted anything, that’s for sure. She’s an enthusiastic empty vessel, everybody knows that. A pin-headed cheerleader for a grateful and oblivious right-wing.

Curious about how such memes can develop among supposedly intelligent commentators (most of whom are on the left, but the right has its fair share too), I went to Palin’s speech in Washington, D.C. on Friday, where she spoke at a breakfast hosted by The Susan B. Anthony List, an extremely influential pro-life organization.

Nowhere did I see a caricature of a bumbling dolt just going through the motions. What I did hear was substance. Warmth. Humor. Unapologetic feistiness. And an optimistic belief in conservative values and principles. And what I saw was the makings of a potentially transcendent and transformational figure not only for the conservative movement but for American politics.

I dare you to watch this for yourself and see anything of what this Tony Lee speaks. How can intelligent people watch this and see a similar intelligence? How could they possibly see a future? She would have to govern the American people, after all — can you imagine that? A president who’s dumber than 80% of the populace? Why would that be good? Why would people desire it?

And how are we to take posts like this seriously?

Where’s the Left’s Sarah Palin?
08 April 2010 5:00 pm by Taylor Marsh

There remains a “Hillary hole,” with women wanting their turn, while people hunger for something radically different. .

Pardon?

. . which is currently being filled by the Tea Party, a star named Sarah and her fans.

Oh. Wait — what?

Not surprisingly, as poll after poll on her rolls out, the narrative on Sarah Palin continues to be filled out unfairly. I know, you’re shocked. But love her or hate her, whether she runs in 2012 or not, when you look at the left, the reality is there’s no anti-Palin progressive who matches what Palin’s got.

Come again and again? I don’t know who Taylor Marsh is, but how oblivious can you be? Is there a French phrase for something like the opposite of “double entendre”? For being simultaneously clueless in both the literal and the unintentional? Double inconscient? Probably not close, but at least I’m aware of that.

The “Hillary hole”? C’moooooooon. Jeezus. You couldn’t have called it something barely less jarring, like “The currently invaginated political playing field”? “The left’s nagging hunger after the Hillary pull-out”? “Naked snaps of the liberal political landscape”? “The Democrats’ soft spot now begging to be filled”?

The “Hillary hole.” Alllllrrrright.

First — my fingers are trying to keep a straight face — there is no “hole” because Hillary is still around. And already my keyboard is giggling and disagreeing, terrific. This won’t stop with you, will it? Okay, funny clacks, you want comedy, here:

That’s actually one of the links in the post. Now the monitor’s fallen down, quite hysterical. I can’t see a thung I’m typong. Get up, dammit, I own you.

Gah. So it can’t be a “Hillary hole,” it’s more a “Palin hole” since that’s what’s missing, whatever it is. Gee, I wonder why you didn’t call it that. What? Yes, fine, plenty of liberals will volunteer to fill it. Yes, some amount of booze and ear plugs would be wise, sure. And aren’t all of you, the things on my desk, talented comedians?

But you can’t look at Palin and wonder where the Dem equivalent is. Palin is a strictly right-wing phenomenon. She’s a domesticated pet with good looks and spunky, sit-com ways. And she has a thrilling grasp on the issues as profound as a cat’s. What? I am not gonna repeat that.

Therein lies her political charm, Conservative-wise. Only on the right can some idiot walk right out of the wings and into the spotlight to the cheers of even veteran political Conservatives. So much of wingnut politics are posturing and symbolism. Fred Thompson and Newt Gingrich are so dumb I’m surprised they manage to survive into the next day, but they’re still around and much respected. Somehow, they look the part, and that’s enough.

By stark contrast, Hillary is the real thing. I didn’t pick her over Obama, but I wouldn’t have been disturbed if she’d been elected, she’s wise and capable. It took years for her to become a trusted figure, and that’s the way it should be. We’re not wrestling fans, we don’t want anything like a leftist Palin. No one sees your “hole.” The stapler says “try peeking.” Hilarious. Where’s their serious, capable lawyer-woman? Where’s their young, black orator? Wait — where’s our Morman businessman? This is a silly take.

Taylor, you can stop flacking, jocking, rocking or pounding your “Hillary hole.” And maybe try to get a friend to read your posts before you click ‘publish.’ K?

Right. What? Yes, that was some sweet Palin polling, lucky you. Not bad.

Self explanatory, as rated by me. I don’t hate this fool, I’ve been laughing for two straight hours.

Number 8. Where’s the common sense?

Number 7. Volatile homeland lectern perfesser. What?

Number 6. My old school teleprompter:

Number 5. Subarus, hope and change:

Number 4. (you’re fired):

Number 3: Thank you for standing up hyyeeaauugghhh . .

Number 2. Smart people only need one word:

. . and the Number 1 video excerpt: CRRAAP.

Thank you, Fractional Governor Moosemeat. I offer a whacko pro-lifer like you no higher praise than this: you kill me . .

. . and it dawns on her what she just did . . and then . . it gets . . awkward . .

Here’s what was loaded on the teleprompter: “Energy”, “Budget cuts”, “Tax” and “Lift American Spirits”.

Quote: “This is about the people, and it’s bigger than any one king or queen of a tea party, and it’s a lot bigger than any charismatic guy with a teleprompter.”

And she got paid over $100,000 to deliver that line because the tea partiers find her ugly and boring, riiighht . . .

This woman is the joke with a never-ending punchline.

When she learned of Emanuel’s calling liberal activists ‘fucking retarded’, she saw a terrific opportunity and pounced. But when Rush Limbaugh did the exact same thing, her spokeswoman embarrassed her by saying “Gov. Palin believes crude and demeaning name-calling at the expense of others is disrespectful.”

Palin made it clear that is not what she believes:

“They are kooks, so I agree with Rush Limbaugh,” she said, when read a quote of Limbaugh calling liberal groups “retards.” “Rush Limbaugh was using satire … . I didn’t hear Rush Limbaugh calling a group of people whom he did not agree with ‘f-ing retards’…”

Limbaugh:

“Our political correct society is acting like some giant insult’s taken place by calling a bunch of people who are retards, retards. I mean these people, these liberal activists are kooks.”

Being the demagogic mother of a Down Syndrome child isn’t easy. The dance, however, can’t be too hard because it doesn’t actually get anywhere:

1.) Show outrage. Rahm Emanuel said ‘retarded’? Then you-know-who has to fire him . .

I would ask the president to show decency in this process by eliminating one member of that inner circle, Mr. Rahm Emanuel, and not allow Rahm’s continued indecent tactics to cloud efforts…

The Obama Administration’s Chief of Staff scolded participants, calling them, “F—ing retarded,” according to several participants, as reported in the Wall Street Journal.

2.) Listen to Rush Limbaugh. And wince . .

“Our political correct society is acting like some giant insult’s taken place by calling a bunch of people who are retards, retards,” Limbaugh said on the show. “I mean these people, these liberal activists are kooks.”

3.) Ignore the bloggers who wonder how long it will take before ‘mama grizzly’ mauls fat-mouthed radio guy . .

“Will Sarah Palin call on Rush Limbaugh to apologize for saying liberal activists are ‘retards’?”

4.) Forget to tell your spokeswoman to stay well clear of fat-mouth . .

“Gov. Palin believes crude and demeaning name-calling at the expense of others is disrespectful,” Stapleton said . .

5.) Watch in annoyance as blogger Greg Sargent inexplicably posts the criticism, which then races across the innernets . .

Palin Camp Rips Limbaugh, Hits His “Retard” Comment As “Crude And Demeaning”

6.) And, finally, do-see-doe your spokeswoman back out into the public square to hurl bzzzrlorhk gobbledygook . .

But Stapleton told POLITICO that the comment given to The Plum Line was not specifically aimed at Limbaugh.

“The Washington Post is trying hard to take the pressure off the White House by creating a side controversy, but it is missing the point,” Stapleton said. “As the governor has said, it doesn’t matter who says the ‘r’ word. It should no longer be part of our lexicon.”

Back to square one. Dizzying, no? Get ‘em, Greg:

“Palin’s spokesperson knew she was responding directly to what Rush said. [Greg's e-mail to Stapleton -- 'Jason Recher said . . . you'd be reaching out to me about Rush's use of the term "retarded."'] Period. [If Meg Stapleton] wants to say Palin doesn’t believe what Rush said was ‘crude and demeaning name-calling,’ I’ll be the first to print it.”

Ah, it begins again. Have a good weekend, everybody . . .

Well, now you know another thing Governor Moosemeat will grandstand over at the Tea Party Convention:

I would ask the president to show decency in this process by eliminating one member of that inner circle, Mr. Rahm Emanuel, and not allow Rahm’s continued indecent tactics to cloud efforts. Yes, Rahm is known for his caustic, crude references about those with whom he disagrees, but his recent tirade against participants in a strategy session was such a strong slap in many American faces that our president is doing himself a disservice by seeming to condone Rahm’s recent sick and offensive tactic.

The Obama Administration’s Chief of Staff scolded participants, calling them, “F—ing retarded,” according to several participants, as reported in the Wall Street Journal.

She’s not shy about brandishing her youngest, Down Syndrome afflicted child, is she?

RAHM ISSUED APOLOGY — BUT NOT TO DEMOCRATS

White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel called the head of the Special Olympics last week to apologize for using the expression “fucking retarded,” Politico’s Ben Smith reports.

“Rahm called Tim Shriver Wednesday to apologize and the apology was accepted,” an unnamed White House official said.

Shameful.

Sarah Palin, who called for Emanuel to apologize for using the word “retarded,” was herself accused of using the word last year. Levi Johnston, the father of Bristol Palin’s daughter, told the media last fall that Palin described Trig, her son with Down Syndrome, as her “retarded baby.” Palin strongly denied ever using the expression.

As previously prattled about, common teabaggers from the Tea Party Patriots and the Tea Party Express are not all perfectly happy to be used as mammon-fodder for the likes of their college-educated GOP masterminds.

Nor are the few Tea Party Nation hoi polloi left excited about Judson Phillips’ money-grubbing device, the ‘Tea Party Convention.’

Slowly but surely, the news disseminated that the meeting was entirely a cash cow for the owner — yes, owner – of the sponsor of the event: Tea Party Nation, INC.

And, so, the event’s collapse is all but complete . .

National Tea Party Convention falls apart: Bachmann and Blackburn announce they are pulling out.

Initially, organizers of the National Tea Party Convention, set to take place in Nashville, TN next month, garnered significant press attention for featuring headliners like Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), WorldNetDaily founder Joseph Farah, and former Alaska governor Sarah Palin. However, Tea Party loyalists began to balk at the expensive price of tickets and the fact that the venture is for-profit, saying that it smelled “scammy.” Now, both Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) and Bachmann have decided to drop out. A statement from Bachmann’s communications director:

“Due to conflicting advice on whether Congresswoman Bachmann’s participation in the upcoming Tea Party Nation Convention would be in line with the Committee on Standards, Congresswoman Bachmann has decided not to participate in the event. There is uncertainty about how any proceeds from the event may be used, and we must err on the side of caution . . .

Or, in other words: “Procedural noberation begs twizzle of the parameters YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME vis-a-vis latent potentials at this time.”

Which presents a monster problem for Governor Moosemeat. Two things wildly motivating for narcissists are glory and embarrassment. They’re opposite in directions, but equally off the charts in force. So, with the convention collapsing, she should have been off like a rocket by now.

Except, there’s that damn third factor: cash money. What to do? How will she manage to avoid the embarrassment of being the shiny object in a political grift while still keeping that mound of money she’s already spent?

Keep an eye out for her lawyers. I’m betting there’ll be a loophole, or an illness, or an act of god, something like that. She certainly won’t want to show up at CPAC as a side dish.

UPDATE: I got this one wrong.

PALIN: Oh, you betcha I’m going to be there. I’m going to speak there because there are people traveling from many miles away to hear what that tea party movement is all about and what that message is that should be received by our politicians in Washington. I’m honored to get to be there.

What, is it rebellious to play part in a debacle? Maybe the money’s just too damn good to pass up? She’s got me stumped. Wait — is she stoopid?