Talk about having your bad night, politically speaking.

Incumbent Arizona Governor Jan Brewer engaged Democratic candidate and Attorney General Terry Goddard in a debate Wednesday night. She began the evening by freezing like a deer in the television headlights when asked to recite a perfunctory, self-laudatory greeting. That alone is talk of the political world today: a gubernatorial candidate that couldn’t manage her own opening statement.

Perhaps she hadn’t done enough to embarrass herself.

During the debate, Goddard called on Brewer to recant a lie she had told, one meant to drive up the hysteria surrounding the evil immigrants and the destruction of her precious Arizona: they had been killing and beheading people out in the desert. Goddard correctly pointed out that it was absolutely false and that it made Arizona look like a haven for lurid violence. Brewer just ignored the call.

Until she got confronted by the press after the sorry event. Christina Boomer from ABC 15, among others, confronted her: Why haven’t you admitted the beheadings never happened? The press were in agreement — it’s not a trivial matter, do you really still believe the rumor to be true? Oops, now Brewer was stuck.

Or was she?

Naw, no problem.

Back in the old days, politicians were much more in agreement about things like this . . the public were always owed the truth. It was so universally embraced as a political tenet that even a single lie, especially left unaddressed, could easily and justifiably derail a candidacy. A politician’s scrupulous honesty might have been the one thing that both parties demanded from their people, with almost no exception.

Times have changed. Jan Brewer doesn’t owe you a thing.

Here comes the worst introduction to a debate by a major national politician I can remember.

Sure, all sorts of people, the mortals, will geek in the middle of a debate when they’re trying to recall certain facts, numbers and statistics. When an opponent attacks, sometimes you might frustratingly freeze while searching for the vital ammo you need to fight back. All the pressure, the lights, the cameras, the endless amounts of esoteric info — they take their toll.

But the intro?! Your own self-prepared statement?

She couldn’t manage “Hello, my name is Jan Brewer, and I fight for the people of Arizona”? Or “Arizona is a leader in business, technology and innovation”?

A professional politician can’t begin with anything better than this? . .

“I have, uh . . . . . . . . . . done so much, and I just cannot believe that we have changed everything since I be-ha-come your governor in the last 600 days. Arizona has been brought back from its abyss. We have cut the budget, we have balanced the budget, and we are moving forward. And we have done everything that we could possibly do . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . *laugh* . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . We have, uh . . . . did what was right for Arizona. I will tell you that I have really did the very best that anyone could do. We have pushed back hard against the federal government, we have filed suit against Obama healthcare, and, and, we have passed Senate Bill 1070, and we will continue to do what’s right for Arizona. I ask for your vote, thank you.”

“I have really did the best that anyone can do”? That’s the person that will end up as Governor of Arizona? C’mon, being Governor is a very big deal — governorships are where Presidents are born. Governor Ronald Reagan, Governor Jimmy Carter, Governor Bill Clinton, Governor George W. Bush.

It’s one thing to end up in the office by default, but to be voted in by the citizens? Jan Brewer? Wow.

Happy Friday. Yes, sshhh, I’m lazy. Let the silliness begin.

Okay. Number One: suave, thoroughly skull-ectable candidate:

Janny! You got my vote.

Number Two: Who’s sufficiently expert to volunteer testimony before the Senate Committee on Lipsticked Sloth Snacking?

Jan Brewer! Yay!

. . and whatever, who cares, it’s a peach Skele-Jan:

Marry me! Mexicans suck!

There goes a naked politician. Gohmert’s now caught in a stinking, lumbering lie. Might as well take his embarrassment out on Anderson Cooper.

He apparently thinks that if something could be true, then what’s the diff? No one likes a terrorist, so what does it matter if Louie’s a liar? Sheesh, Anderson.

And the ‘controversy‘ ends.

Does it matter if a politician tells an outrageous, howling lie? Of course it does, it could end his or her career.

Does it matter if a lunatic Republican tells an outrageous lie? Yes it does — how else are they gonna get TV time and fire up the base? Hell, the truth won’t do that for the wingnuts, that stuff is BORING.

Hilarious, screeching lying is the feed of fear farmers, and there’s plenty here. And the biggest bull-milker would be Louie Gohmert.

Reported on June 27, Gohmert (R–TX, of course) took to the House floor, saying that he talked to a retired FBI agent who knew of terrorists bringing in pregnant women to have children here so that the kids would have American citizenship. Then they’d return home, train the kids to be terrorists, and then send the grown-up anti-American murderers back to the states to “destroy our way of life.”

And thus was born the “Terror Babies!” knee-slapper. Sensing a good thing — volcanic bugshit — Gohmert was happy to flog it again, about a week later. But this time, with a twist.

Appearing on Fox Business Channel (?), he trotted out his “Terror Babies!” again. But, oddly, he now had a completely different source for the shocking revelation: someone he personally knew heard about it first hand. From the grandmother of two of the Terror Babies.

You see, as Gohmert and his people were flying to the Middle East on a passenger plane, one of them, just minding his own business, had the woman sitting next to him inexplicably detail the whole thing. Turns out it’s a program being run by Hamas.

Grandma married into Hamas, her son-in-law is Hamas, and she simply had to tell the stranger sitting next to her how they assured the babies’ citizenships by flying her pregnant daughter to HAmerica. Now, some day, you can bet she’ll send them back to, you know, murder us all.

This is some serious stuff. Serious enough that, some day, the bullcrap may sprout legs and walk out of Texas. Just not this week.

Texas State Rep. Debbie Riddle has some shocking news for Anderson Cooper: here come the “Terror Babies!”

COOPER: Representative Riddle, you told my producer that pregnant women are coming here as tourists, having babies, and then going back home — quote — “with the nefarious purpose of turning them into little terrorists, who will then come back to the U.S. and do us harm.” You said it’s part of an organized terrorist element and could cost us lives. Where did you hear that?

RIDDLE: Uh, that is information that is coming to my office from former FBI officials.

WOAH — she’s got Gohmert beat. Her office has talked to several FBI guys.

COOPER: But you have no actual evidence?

RIDDLE: Other than that coming from former FBI folks.

COOPER: Can you tell us who these former FBI folks are, and what evidence they have or what evidence they’ve shown you?

RIDDLE: At this point, uh, I’m not going to reveal that.

Come on, Anderson. Do you expect her to tell you she howls at the moon?

Hey, when you’ve got what appears to be a winning issue, your job is to flog it, right? Beat it to death beating your opponents, that’s the game. Well, maybe not you — maybe right-wing nutjobs. Right now, it’s their job to tie a big winner, illegal immigration, to the front bumpers of anything that passes by.

For instance, you say the economy’s bad? Illegal immigrants steal good jobs from desperate Americans.

You say there’s a hideous oil spill, a devastating natural disaster, poisoning the Gulf of Mexico? It’s just like the illegal immigration disaster fouling our southern border.

Blah blah blah blah healthcare? BLAH BLAH BLAH ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!

Ooooh, this is fun — DeRoy Murdock wants to play! Here, let’s watch . .

Bullets across the Border
When El Paso City Hall is being struck by bullets, why is Obama targeting Arizona’s immigration legislation?
► DEROY MURDOCK

Niiiice, good opening. I had no idea illegal immigrants had opened fire upon the El Paso City Hall. Though, I must say, this breaking news sounds oddly distraction-less for the thumbless magicians over at the National Review Online. It’s still interesting. I’m in — what the hell is up with El Paso?

The U.S media have snored, as if under sombreros, right through the events in El Paso on June 29. At about 4:50 p.m., city workers were performing their duties at El Paso City Hall. Suddenly, a bullet pierced a window and traversed an interior wall before it was stopped by a picture frame. Another bullet smacked an exterior wall but did not penetrate it; the bullet was recovered and proved to be from an AK-47. In total, seven bullets hit El Paso City Hall that day.

AK-47! WOW — illegals strafing one of our city halls with AKs! Pissed off criminal brown types blowing holes in our government edifices. Holy smokes! Yee haw, this is some good shit. YA GOTTA TELL ME MORE . .

Police say these bullets most likely came from across the Rio Grande, echoing Pancho Villa’s cross-border gunfire in the same area in 1919.

Linkie! Hot damn:

“The City Hall of El Paso, Texas came under automatic weapons fire from Juarez, Mexico earlier this week, in an incident eerily reminiscent of sniper fire from Juarez into El Paso in 1919. In that incident, Pancho Villa’s snipers fired into El Paso after defeating Mexican federal forces in Juarez . .”

So, snipers shooting at the — wait, what? You’re telling me that Juarez Mexicanos were sniping at the El Paso City Hall? I’m confused — what do building assassins have to do with our illegal immigrants?

At the same time that El Paso City Hall came under fire, six Mexican federales were battling a gun-wielding gang outside a Smart Supermarket on Bernardo Norzagaray Boulevard in Juárez, Mexico, about half a mile away. Chihuahua State Police say they found 40 spent shells from an AK-47 and other weapons at that spot. Mexican Federal Police officer Domingo Hernández Espinoza was killed in the confrontation, and two other people were wounded, one fatally. Amid all the crossfire, bullets ignored the border (a common regional attitude) and struck the seat of El Paso’s municipal government.

. . . hahaHAHAHA — a shootout in Juarez, you say? Gangsters gunfighting it out with the federales — their bullets flew into El Paso, hitting the city hall? Goddamn it. Every other country in the world, bullets always stop at the border — but Mexico? Noooooooo. You know they’re doing this on purpose. Well, we should gouge out the eyes of all their illegal immigrants. That’ll teach the Mexicans and their snotty, liberal gangsters.

If only that bastard Obama hadn’t gagged Governor Jan Brewer with Arizona’s S.B 1070 and then raped her, none of this would have happened. A President who was serious about illegal immigration would’ve sent a couple hundred thousand soldiers into Juarez and shot up the town up by now. A really determined President would’ve stopped the bullets at the border with better detection and enforcement. A Republican President would’ve constructed a series of titanium U-shaped tubes embedded in a 15,000 foot high rubber fence to redirect those dirty, thirsty bullets trying to seek a better life. Now there’s an immigration policy Texans could hoot and holler about. Once they’re done, y’know, hootin’ n’ hollerin’ about somebody stompin’ on a bug. Or a funny-lookin’ penny, or a person’s head. Yeeeeehhhhooooooooooooo. Yeah, after President Romney sells Texas back to Juarez to fund the boojillion-dollar Goodyear National Yooie Enforcement Perimeter.

That reminds me — you know what’s even more shocking, Juarez-violence wise? When an El Paso Border Patrol agent shoots a 15 year old kid — standing in Juarez about, oh, 30 paces away — in the head, killing him instantly. Throwing rocks ferchrissake — ! It’s a miracle the agent escaped without a single bruise.

So, what — now they’re mistakenly shooting at us with AKs? Time to flatten this dogshit town with a nuclear strike. At some point, we’ve got to take illegal immigration seriously.

Ariz. gov: Most illegal immigrants smuggling drugs
By PAUL DAVENPORT
Associated Press Writer – Fri Jun 25, 7:06 pm ET

. . “I believe today, under the circumstances that we’re facing, that the majority of the illegal trespassers that are coming into the state of Arizona are under the direction and control of organized drug cartels and they are bringing drugs in,” Brewer said.

“There’s strong information to us that they come as illegal people wanting to come to work. Then they are accosted and they become subjects of the drug cartel,” she said.

The majority of illegal immigrants are drug smugglers? Jeezus, what a moron.

. . without a snack . .

. . or with?

I ran out of skulls

Illegal Immigration Proponents Support Slavery
Posted by Lori Ziganto
Wednesday, May 12th at 5:15PM EDT

Illegal immigration is another area where the true racist and misogynistic tendencies of Liberals/Leftists appear.

Hello! I heard my name — what’s up? OH, another RedState whackjob. *sigh*

Racism and misogyny, yup, that’s us. Can I go now?

. . they are currently more concerned with demonizing the state of Arizona and it’s new illegal immigration law than they are concerned with protecting the rights of citizens. They’ve also proven that they care not one whit about the people coming here illegally. They aren’t human beings to them; they are merely political pawns and cheap labor.

They’re not even pawns, they’re lumps of coal. I collect and burn them for Winter heat. Okay, that’s us — now can I bail?

. . What isn’t mentioned ever? Concern for The Children ™ who are suffering due to strained medical and educational resources.

Wow, you really are A Strange One.™ Yes, we’re The Haters Of The Children.™ I’m off now, I have to go strangle some . .

Apparently, having their lawns manicured and their tables bussed cheaply means more to the left than the human beings providing such services. Why have legal immigrants when you can have illegal ones as figurative slaves, huh, left? Nor do they show concern For the Women, who are brought here, smuggled in illegally, as slaves.

. . yes, and I enjoy killing them all, the immigrants, The Lumps™, the slaves, the little girls in their pink jumpers, fingers all sticky from candy. Kill, kill, kill. I’m Murder, Inc.™ We’re done?

. . the left doesn’t care. What’s a little enslavement and forced prostitution if it gets us some cheap labor and more bodies at the ballot box?

Non-citizens can totally vote in America. Sorry: AMERICA!™ The pawns and the slaves and The Dead Children™ vote by the billions all the time every day. If they move or breathe or eat a taco, it’s a vote.

And this is what we do: we round up all their votes, and we hate on them and enslave them and prostitute them and murder them and burn them for heat. And you know what? *BOING* The votes themselves suddenly start voting. For us. That’s how it works! I’m tired of this — end of this post, please . .

I also believe in human dignity and the sanctity of life. As such, unlike the left, I recognize illegal immigration for what it is:

The new slavery.

The new Holocaust, and we’re Adolf Hitler. Go on, say it.

No, they’re not. And THANK YOU for making that dumbfuck argument.

There’s a huge difference: average Americans, like the gay guy at the end of the bar whispering about you, don’t have the power to violate your civil rights by having an opinion about you. When Arizona gets a certain opinion about you, they pull you over or interrupt your meal at the restaurant and send you out onto the sidewalk. Personal opinions, in the cases of law enforcement personnel, are no longer private and benign. They are the unfortunate impetus to do angry and popular will now masquerading as bedrock law, no matter its Constitutionality.

It’s not much different from having the thought, ‘There’s that guy, the one I always want to punch whenever I see him.’ But then finally punching him because Arizona just made it legal for you to do so. No — wait — it’s worse than that: it’s having Arizona come in and punch him for you.

YEAH. He’s upset that Arizonans like something. He’ll be back after he disagrees with your 2011 Oscar picks?

YEAH. WAIT — voters?! I think you projected a bit there.

Maybe these folks have been going about their little law-abiding lives for years? Maybe you’ve been demonizing them all the while? Maybe you realize the federal government will never enact some jillion-dollar Gestapo-like program to snare and permanently deport hundreds of thousands of your neighbors? Which means that it’s likely, at some point, they’ll be given a path to citizenship? Which they’ll surely take? And you won’t be able to recruit these regular folks into the Republican party because you’ve been screaming that they’re all monstrous criminals? Hmm?

Now that Arizona has made it illegal to be an undocumented immigrant in their state, has made it mandatory for law personnel to verify the legal status of anybody they arrest, has asked for police officers to demand anyone they suspect of being an illegal immigrant to produce papers, the papier mache justifications are being propped up all over the internet.

These are some:

That was a terrible crime, it’s a terrible story. It probably was a drug smuggler, or some such violent criminal.

But I’ve got two questions for you: 1.) what is up with that hair? Wow. 2.) what has that got to do with illegal immigration? They come here to get access to our employers. The cartels and smugglers are only interested in the big money movement of drugs. They’re not taking up residences next to you, getting jobs in local restaurants and then hanging out in the parks with their kids. You don’t seem to know much about the problem you say you’re worried about.

The Al Qaedas are leaving their precious Qurans behind? CIA behaviorists will be intrigued by that. Either that, or the saddlebags on their camels could be cinched a little tighter. Well, at least you’re not just calling the Mexicans ersatz terrorists . . because your Governor beat you to the punch?

Gov. Brewer: ‘Arizona has been under terrorist attacks’ with ‘all of this illegal immigration.’

Hey, Sylvia — forcing your neighbors to produce papers when they bump into police on the streets will end this problem how, exactly?

Hey, Sylvia — forcing your neighbors to produce papers when they bump into police on the streets will end this problem how, exactly?

No terrorists. Or bees.

FINALLY, some overt racism. Thank you, Sylvia.

. . while daubing some wistful tears from your eyes with the nearest corner of Old Glory. How you manage the courage to go on, Sylvia, boo hoo . .

Yes, and what a painful sacrifice it will be for you to hassle, detain and extract bureaucratic paperwork from Latino Americans over the years. Let’s hope they’re as tough as you are.

Lou Dobbs famously asserted that illegal immigrants were coming into the United States carrying leprosy, and that it caused a spike in domestic cases. 60 Minutes debunked it, but he defended the report anyway. Why was the leprosy story ‘correct’? Because he’s Lou Dobbs, and he reported it on his show.

Every other reporter’s facts are subject to scrutiny, but not Lou’s. Because Lou is the one person in the world who only reports the truth. And to support that lazy arrogance, he called the same ‘reporter’ back on the show to repeat the same falsehoods without doing any of the same fact-checking that 60 Minutes showed he omitted. Only this time, he and the reporter added “..we don’t make up numbers here”:

Lou felt astounded: “…it’s, uh…it’s remarkable that, uh…this, whatever, confusion or confoundment over 7,000 cases. They actually keep a registry of cases of leprosy.” That’s right, and you keep refusing to read it. Unbelievable. Lou is actually touting the same registry that proves he’s a professional liar. And then he has the gall to say he has no idea why the spike in cases, which never occurred, occurred? In other words, no one has any idea what’s causing the false rise in leprosy, but now he just happens to be in the mood to talk about illegal immigration.

How the hell can he get away with the blank assertion that what he does is anything but utter bullshit? Because he relies upon experts, like the poltergeist they used for the story:

Dr. Madeleine Cosman, perhaps the creepiest human being in the world. Or, at least she was, while she was still alive. Madeleine was an expert…in ancient and Renaissance stuff. She wrote Fabulous Feasts: Medieval Cookery and Ceremony. She also had a Ph.D. In English. Might as well mirror an ultra-Conservative crocodile whackjob Medievalist when you want to lecture people on inter-border infectious disease trends, right?

When Amy Goodman called Dobbs out again for lying about fantasy leperous illegal immigrants, he defended himself with a new dodge, reminding us of the intellectual rifle, Dr. Cosman. She was amazing:

See a trend? No matter what the actual truth is, no matter how conclusively you prove to him that he’s wrong, the blowhard won’t give in. He’s always got a reason or an excuse because, frankly, the idea of his being the ultimate source of all things true is a lot more fun to indulge than the truth. Hey, why waste time finding out if you’re an honest man when you can just pretend to be the face of honesty itself? C’mon, Lou is on CNN, fer chrissakes. So, like a shiny brat, he’ll take responsibility for nothing that he’s done, said, or about to do because he’s just better than that.

Yesterday, in an interview with Telemundo, they understandably challenged him yet again on his lying about leprosy and illegal immigrants. This time, he finally admits the story wasn’t accurate. But, he says, all he did was say one word. And the mistake wasn’t his fault, of course, it was the reporter’s, she ‘ad-libbed’. And, besides, you jerks, it was four years ago:

MARIA CELESTE: …but even after that, that was proven wrong, what you had said, you stood behind your reporting, insisting that it was accurate. Why was that?

LOU DOBBS: No, no. Let’s be very clear: one–I did not stand behind that reporting, in fact we corrected that reporting. And secondly, in fairness to me, if you will, I never said a word about leprosy and undocumented immigrants as you put it. My correspondent on our broadcast ad-libbed it, and as you’re very familiar with the process of an edited report, and at the end of that, she referred to a source with whom she had been speaking, and she said at the end of that report, ad-libbed it, that is without script or preparation, but simply said it, that there were thousands of people on the registry for leprosy in the United States and that those had shot up dramatically over the course of three years. Obviously she was wrong. My only statement by the way in coming out of that report was one word: “incredible.” That was it…

Dobbs called the reporter back onto his show to tell the leprosy lie a second time and to personally aver “I stand 100 percent behind what you said.” But now, Dobbs remembers that it was a wispy ad-lib from a foolish reporter. Hell, all the perplexed Lou managed to mutter was…’incredible.’

Enough? It’s time to tell the truth: Lou Dobbs is just a fucking liar.