Here comes the worst introduction to a debate by a major national politician I can remember.

Sure, all sorts of people, the mortals, will geek in the middle of a debate when they’re trying to recall certain facts, numbers and statistics. When an opponent attacks, sometimes you might frustratingly freeze while searching for the vital ammo you need to fight back. All the pressure, the lights, the cameras, the endless amounts of esoteric info — they take their toll.

But the intro?! Your own self-prepared statement?

She couldn’t manage “Hello, my name is Jan Brewer, and I fight for the people of Arizona”? Or “Arizona is a leader in business, technology and innovation”?

A professional politician can’t begin with anything better than this? . .

“I have, uh . . . . . . . . . . done so much, and I just cannot believe that we have changed everything since I be-ha-come your governor in the last 600 days. Arizona has been brought back from its abyss. We have cut the budget, we have balanced the budget, and we are moving forward. And we have done everything that we could possibly do . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . *laugh* . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . We have, uh . . . . did what was right for Arizona. I will tell you that I have really did the very best that anyone could do. We have pushed back hard against the federal government, we have filed suit against Obama healthcare, and, and, we have passed Senate Bill 1070, and we will continue to do what’s right for Arizona. I ask for your vote, thank you.”

“I have really did the best that anyone can do”? That’s the person that will end up as Governor of Arizona? C’mon, being Governor is a very big deal — governorships are where Presidents are born. Governor Ronald Reagan, Governor Jimmy Carter, Governor Bill Clinton, Governor George W. Bush.

It’s one thing to end up in the office by default, but to be voted in by the citizens? Jan Brewer? Wow.

Why do right-wingers demand to be lied to?

Glenn Beck this weekend: “I know that many in this country think that I’m a fear-monger. It is not a . . it is not a label that, I think, applies . .”

Glenn Beck previously:

–“I think what’s coming is horrific. I don’t even want to speak it out loud . .”

–“I can tell you there will be rivers of blood . .”

–“Are we headed for a one-world government . .”

–“A global economic holocaust is coming . .”

–“It’s September the Eleventh all over again, except we didn’t have the collapsing buildings . .”

–“If you haven’t done your homework yet — what is it going to take? I urge you to catch up on it, and catch up on it fast. It’s kind of important, for a couple of reasons. One . . uhh . . the whole end of time thing . .”

Ah, yes, the end of time. It’s on Obama’s agenda.

All Glenn Beck’s ever done to become one of the biggest and richest media figures in this country is lie from the minute he gets on camera to the second the credits roll. Now that he wants to be a civil rights leader, ushering a radical new era in American history, all he did this weekend was lie some more, including lying very obviously about his lying.

Why do right wingers want and need to be lied to? My father, a right-winger, who passed away a few years ago, had a life-long friend of his we’ll call Jim. Jim is the salt of the earth. He would never lie to you in almost any reasonable circumstance, I can’t fathom it. As a businessman, he carries the same reputation he does in private life, not a dishonest bone in his body.

But as soon as politics comes up, he can’t stand to listen to anybody who isn’t lying to him: Limbaughs and Hannitys and such. When he brings up one of their gems of ‘truth’ while around me, and I’m in the mood to shoot it down (he’s an awfully nice man, after all), he’s genuinely shocked that it might not be true.

That contrast is so stark, it’s shocking really. You’d have to torture the guy to get him to lie, and yet, of politics, he would never apply even a wisp of that behavioral standard to the media figures he trusts.

I mention this to point out how people get and indulge their politics, especially those on the right: it is a drug. It provides the sort of visceral reaction or catharsis that a decent drug would. For them, the veracity of a political thing is secondary — the primary thing is the buzz it delivers.

So your Glenn Becks are the biggest drug dealers, they deliver the best shit. They know how to distill their message so that just a little bit of it goes a very long way. And that’s why they’re all filthy rich, too, like a bunch of drug dealers. There is a hungry, jones-ing market for political smack, and the Bill O’Reillys will deliver as long as they’re able. If you can deliver the high, you get rewarded with power.

Which brings me to this, the President’s interview with Brian Williams:

“I can’t spend all my time with my birth certificate plastered on my forehead,” Mr. Obama told NBC’s Brian Williams in an interview in New Orleans. “The facts are the facts. And so, it’s not something that I can I think spend all my time worrying about. And I don’t think the American people want me to spend all my time worrying about it.”

He’s wrong there, I think.

A CBS News poll conducted in April found that 20 percent of Americans believe the president was born outside of the United States. Those numbers rise among self-identified Republicans and Tea Partiers. Mr. Obama was born in Hawaii. Meanwhile, a Pew Research Center poll released earlier this month showed that 18 percent of Americans incorrectly said they think Mr. Obama is Muslim. Another 43 percent said they didn’t know the president’s religion, while just 34 percent correctly said he is a Christian.

I can’t imagine a whole fifth of the country buying outrageous lies about any Republican president. Obama is wrong to believe that it’s only silly ridiculousness. Huge sections of the country are walking around with heads full of Glenn Beck’s Terrorist Purple Haze. At some point, as it is with any drug that distorts perception and reality, if enough people are under the influence, bad things will happen.

You can’t seriously believe this has no deleterious effects upon the political environment and the tenor of the times. When one side of the country believes things wildly untrue and is getting very well rewarded for doing so, viscerally and psychologically, you are setting the nation up for some serious stress at some point. You may even be headed towards violence. You can’t ignore so many people and think it will help you, as a President or a nation, in the long run.

As the first seriously contending Black presidential candidate, you may have been able to run by ignoring the lunatics on the right, but you’re the President now. You’ve got to attend to the whole nation. If you don’t start seriously pushing back at these caustic lies, you’re running a dangerous course for everybody involved.

The Grand Old Heifer of Fatuous Anti-Feminism still lives and breathes, let the Lord not end her days mercifully soon, turning her into patties and handbags. For she still continues to manufacture a milk of human blindness by the teat-full.

And isn’t that the refreshing bracer of misanthropic pesticide and poison a good Conservative can’t swallow fast enough? To soon puke it upon a passerby? Why, yes, it is. God bless the dairy farmers of hate and their blackened, burning fingers.

This post started out simply enough: Andrew ‘Rocky’ Raczkowski is running for a congress seat that represents Oakland County, Michigan. Phyllis Schlafly turned up at a fundraiser for Rocky (he was away) and did her usual crowd-pleasing schtick: routine petty stupidity and glorious self-hate.

Conservative’s comments spark Raczkowski protest
Published: Thursday, July 29, 2010 | By GABI JAYE

. . During her speech at a Saturday fundraiser at the American Polish Cultural Center in Troy for Oakland County congressional candidate Andrew “Rocky” Raczkowski, Schlafly compared unmarried women to welfare recipients.

The conservative commentator is under fire from many women’s rights groups for her comments.

“Seventy percent of unmarried women voted for Obama,” Schlafly said in her speech. “And this is because when you kick your husband out, you gotta have Big Brother government to be your provider.”

Ha. That’s so pathetic a shot at women, it’s hysterical. That sort of thing was barely worth a response in the late nineties. Phyllis ain’t just olde, she’s very sadde. Which makes her a great target! Let’s make fun of ol’ Towers Over the Oaken Bucket, shall we?

Husband dumpers? Hot for a government hand-out? What happened to the cerca 1992 Dan Quayle-flogged paranoia over Murphy Brown, the unmarried pregnant Hollywood role model? How’s the memory, Phyllis — been chewing on any of your formerly pasture-ized buddies? Mad Cow Disease? Quick — spell ‘Potato brain.’ HAR!

And all those newly-minted single mothers courtesy of your esteemed widow-maker wars and great buddy George W. Bush — they’re just shiftless welfare troughers? OOPS. They’re only looking to the government to provide for them? Yeah, that would be the right thing to do, given their husbands, their children’s fathers and likely more than half their working incomes are permanently dead. Go on and call them Big Government Parasites, good idea.

You’re rollin’, Phyllis. Mooooore, please:

Schlafly has been the source of controversial comments in the past as well. In a March 2007 speech at Bates College, she made remarks about married women claiming they were raped by their husbands.

“By getting married, the woman has consented to sex, and I don’t think you can call it rape,” Schlafly said then.

It’s ‘free milk’ now, ain’t that right Phillie? YEEEEHAAWWW, let’s go back to making it legal and proper. Hubby wakes up, rigid, in the middle of the night — he gets to cram it in the nearest orifice. Exalted Marriage! Cuuuuuue de muuuuuusic . .

Doo-bee-doooooooooo. Freedom of the individual? Human rights? The Constitution? They’re all subservient to the vaunted marriage covenant! HOORAY! Here’s cud in your eye!

In a 2006 interview with the New York Times, she said time-saving improvements in women’s lives are due to indoor clothes dryers and disposable diapers.

And you do remember, of course, what made the indoor clothes dryer possible? The invention of the DOOR.

Phyllis remembers it like it was yesterday. Because a bovine’s blank-faced grasp of time dwarfs their appreciation for romance:

Totally reasonable website offering Roger’s ‘You know, it just now came to me that Liberals are assholes . . ‘ analysis of politics, Pajamas Media, lands on a jarring conclusion about who’s responsible for the violent recession-plague destroying our blameless nation, America:

Yeah, thanks a lot you bastards. You Obamadorks inherited the greatest, richest, most prosperous nation on Earth, ever, also, and now we can’t even afford cable.

In contrast, George W. Bush inherited an Ethiopan slum:

President Clinton announces another record budget surplus
September 27, 2000
Web posted at: 4:51 p.m. EDT (2051 GMT)

WASHINGTON (CNN) — President Clinton announced Wednesday that the federal budget surplus for fiscal year 2000 amounted to at least $230 billion, making it the largest in U.S. history and topping last year’s record surplus of $122.7 billion.

. . In June, the administration predicted the surplus would be $211 billion, and would increase by as much as $1 trillion over the next 10 years.

“The key to fiscal discipline is maintaining these results year after year. We need to put our priorities in order,” Clinton said.

SHEESH. Who the fuck can operate a fiscally responsible limited government anti-commie tiny-statist disciplined trickle-down government under those devastating and impoverished conditions? Any Republican President so hobbled, just like every Republican President, would have to run nuclear deficits — bigger than every President before him, combined:

Bush came into office with an advantage few presidents have enjoyed — a $230 billion surplus. But due to a $1.35 trillion tax cut in 2001, a $1.5 trillion tax cut in 2003, and a massive defense buildup through the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, Bush quickly blew through that surplus . . After the financial crisis emerged last fall and the ensuing bailouts, Bush’s budget deficit ballooned to over $1 trillion.

To wit, Roger Kimball and his decimation of the Obama administration’s foolish attempt to change Bush’s triumphant cultural engagement and fiscal policies:

It’s all part of your effort to “fundamentally transform the Untied States of America,” isn’t it, Mr. President? That’s what you promised in October 2008: to change America fundamentally. Who would have predicted you were really serious? (Well, some of us did, but you know what I mean.)

You’ve made it clear that, deep down, you really don’t like the United States. In that, you are like many of your Ivy confrères, all those Harvard-Yale-Princeton types who find the spectacle of individual freedom playing itself out irredeemably vulgar.

Yes, Roger. Yes! The naked, vulgar individual, the reckless dumbfuck George W. Bush, whom you disastrously cheered, who, in the most lurid, most spectacular manner, destroyed the fiscal future of the pre-eminently powerful country in the modern world, should never have been free to play out his national fantasies.

DUH. The Great Recession? Any of it materialized in your crystal ball, soothsayer? Spied any of it, eagle eye? Good lord, man, have you only been huffing ether? Slugging methanol? Gingering acid on your oatmeal Wheaties? What sort of short-sighted clown are you?

(. . as is . . — ed.)

Laredo, Texas, wiped off the map by a Mexican drug cartel! Ranchers dragged out of their homes! Shot! Slugged! Slapped! Gutted and wrapped in foil! Grilled with salt and lemon!

Digger’s Realm
BREAKING: Multiple Ranches In Laredo, TX Taken Over By Los Zetas
By Digger / July 24, 2010 04:11 AM

The bloodbath continues along our southern border and now word is coming in that Los Zetas, the highly trained killers formerly with the Gulf Cartel, have crossed into the United States and taken over at least two ranches in the Laredo, Texas area. I am receiving word that the owners of the ranches have evacuated without being harmed. The source is law enforcement in the area.

(Update 2 story is now 100% confirmed by second source within the Laredo Police Department)

Founder of the San Diego Minutemen Jeff Schwilk tipped me off to this story and passes along the following information on the location. The ranches are said to be “near Mines Rd. and Minerales Annex Rd about 10 miles NW of I-35″.

I’m sure the Minutemen aren’t given to panic! Especially over incendiary stories about border violence! By all means, let’s listen to an honest man like Jeff!

There is currently a standoff between the unknown size Zeta forces and U.S. Border Patrol and local law enforcement on two ranches on our side of the Rio Grande. The source tells us he considers this an “act of war” and that the military is needed on the border now!

AAAAUUUGGHHH! I’M SCARED! AND PATRIOTIC!

Anonymous sources in law enforcement in the Laredo area tonight have passed on word that US law enforcement agencies are in the area and are weighing their options regarding the ranches.

THEY”RE SCARED TOO! YIKES! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

The media has been silent on this incident and some law enforcement in the area says that they are furious that the media is not reporting the whole story of the continued violence along the border. Their frustrations are understandable because keeping the truth suppressed continues to hamper law enforcement from receiving the true support they need along the border.

TRUTH COMING! HELP ON THE WAY! YOU PEOPLE ARE MORONS!

“Starting to smell like a hoax.”

*sniff* *sniff* I don’t smell anything.

As far as a hoax, that is a willfully done falsity. Why would I sacrifice my 8 year old website and any benefit I can provide the issue I have dedicated my life to on a fake story?

SEE ABOVE!

As for the mud slinging, sling away. I have put my name on the line, you have put an anonymous moniker on the line. As a reader I would put my faith in the veteran blogger of 8 years, with a proven track record, rather than some commenter who just showed up a few hours ago.

I stand by the story. You obviously have not read what a media blackout entails.

WHAT? IT’S A BLACK OUT! IT’S BLACKED OUT!

Here is another source claiming that authorities in Laredo will not confirm or deny.

VERY BLACK! GOOD REPORTING!

Hector Garcia , a city council member of the City of Laredo TX, has returned my phone call and aboslutely denied that any armed conflict has occured with the Laredo PD. He is quoting the Chief of Police, Carlos Maldonado. Mr Garcia went on to say that it appears two ranchers had a disagreement.

I STILL SAY SOMETHING”S WRONG!

Is this really happening? Probably not (despite the upsurge in violence just over the border), but what’s even scarier than the heavily armed Zetas is that stories like this have become difficult to confirm or refute.

WHY DIDN”T WE KNOW? IT’S SO FISHY! I AM SCARED AGAIN!

We know that the establishment media places supporting Obama far ahead of informing the public. But as for whether a blanket of silence has been thrown over a military incursion — in the short term, we can only guess.

UNLESS THEY BLACK OUT THE BLACK OUT! THEN WE’LL NEVER KNOW! EXCEPT FOR I JUST MENTIONED IT! HOLY CRAP, I JUST BEAT THE BLACK OUT! WELL TECHNICALLY IT’S THE ‘BLACK OUT’ BLACK OOT! WHOA LOOK AT THAT TYPO! STARTING TO FREAK HERE! I KNEW — wait, now it’s a ‘military incursion’?

In a totalitarian state, rumors supplant news. We’re not there yet, but we can see it from here.

WE MADE IT UP! THAT PROVES OBAMA’S A FASCIST! IMPEACHMENT!

You people are completely screwed up:

. . meanwhile, THIS is the hottest piece of political opinion on the web?

This is trash. It’s utterly moronic.

In Defense of Andrew Breitbart
by Dan Riehl
07/22/2010

The media and progressive-left Democrats now appear in a rush to convict Andrew Breitbart of shoddy journalism, while exonerating Shirley Sherrod and the NAACP from charges of abiding racism within their ranks.

Yeah? Because Breitbart told millions of people that Shirley Sherrod was a horrible racist. But she’s not remotely a racist, everybody agrees. Should we be slow to condemn a powerful, politically-motivated media monster who viciously smeared and recklessly destroyed the career of this innocent person, Sherrod? You callous fucking idiot, Dan Riehl? If it had happened to you, Limbaugh would have christened you Jesus Christ by now.

Both Sherrod and the NAACP have charged the Tea Party movement and the Republican Party with racism, while offering less proof than Breitbart did of the racism he correctly alleged.

Just how goddamned dumb can a man be? Dumb as a pastured cow? Breitbart had it outrageously backward — Sherrod isn’t remotely bigoted. And no one had ever heard of her until she was very publicly crucified as a despicable animal by Breitbart. She’s never charged the Tea Party or the GOP with racism — how dare you try to vilify her a second time. You don’t get to spout dogshit just because you feel like kissing Breitbart’s ass. Is Dan Riehl capable of writing a single honest, accurate thing? No. Would I call Dan Riehl “a man”? No.

In many cases, the Left has outright manufactured evidence of racism regarding Tea Party events, yet no one has raised a voice about that slander at all. If one didn’t know better, this wouldn’t be today’s news, but an Orwellian script circa 1984.

So, it’s time for Dan to raise his voice. Hooray! Dan goes on to prove, point by point, over and over, how we manufactured the evidence. OR . . he doesn’t lift a finger to prove anything at all because Dan Riehl is a fatmouthed bullshitter.

I believe that the NAACP haven’t gotten nearly enough thanks for everything they’ve done. I believe hard-working government folks, like those in the Obama administration, don’t get nearly enough attention or thanks for the things that they do. They could both use a little high-profile sugar, you know? Somebody oughta say ‘You people are terrific’ in a substantive, public way.

So, really, I could have paid Andrew Breitbart for all the good that he’s done. Actually, the amazing positive p.r. that he’s dropped on the wonderful Shirley Sherrod and the NAACP probably couldn’t be purchased with all the money in the world. So I’ll just say, “Thank you, Andrew.”

It was he, first, who said ‘The NAACP are racists,’ and he who said ‘I’ve got a video,’ and he posted it. ‘You’ll see’ he said. But, instead, what we saw, in Sherrod, was an amazing, intelligent, hard-working woman who was forthcoming of her former bigoted impulses that she managed to transcend through experience and introspection. This is a remarkable woman.

And what did we see the NAACP do? Were they disappointed that she no longer saw Whites as the problem? That she no longer saw the racist divide as the whole and only story? That she admitted to the types of embarrassments that no one would want to, in front of them, at their essentially blacks-only gathering? No, they applauded her. They recognized her struggle. The NAACP did exactly as they’ve done a million times before: they proved themselves to be light-years ahead, still, of the average American citizen on the perceived racial divides between us. Really, you could do a lot of good by playing this video to kids in high school and then starting discussions on our weaknesses when it comes to race issues.

So, forget that other garbage that Breitbart posted. Watch this clip, because this is the real Shirley Sherrod video:

So Shirley is not a racist, as that miserable hack Breitbart tried to utterly falsely accuse her of being. She is a person who generally tries hard to do her job well and to help the people she can, including those allegedly victimized White folks:

. . she managed to admit to confronting her own faults and to getting past them . . 24 years ago. As a result, she’s a competent, effective professional. And as a result, she was completely undeservedly smeared as a ‘racist’ by Andrew Breitbart.

If only he had a fraction of the character of this terrific, liberal woman, or of the usual stalwarts in the NAACP. Someone oughta give her a medal. She’s certainly not going to receive anything like an apology from Andrew “Big Baby” Breitbart — that sort of courage has clearly run short in his personal inventory.

Jim Hoft, Ape-way Stunt-twit, re-posts a ‘breaking story’ coming by way of Dumfuckistan: The Taliban are training monkeys to shoot AK-47s at American soldiers.

No, not kidding. Hoft, familiar with his ugly peon fans, baits their trap with a ‘Muslims are monkeys, right?’ prompt, and the troglodytes ran with it exactly as you’d expect:

Taliban Training Killer Monkeys to Shoot Americans
Posted by Jim Hoft on Friday, July 9, 2010, 3:48 PM

Allahu Akbar!

Yes, I’m aware that that is not a monkey, it’s a chimpanzee. More:

The Taliban is reportedly training monkeys to shoot American soldiers. Dallas Blog reported:

“‘The People’s Daily of China reports that, ‘reporters from the media agency spotted and took photos of a few ‘monkey soldiers’ holding AK-47 rifles and Bren light machine guns in the Waziristan tribal region near the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan. The report and photos have been widely spread by media agencies and Web sites across the world.’”

Comments:

Looks like Obama. So the Taliban, Obama’s hommies, are training Obama to kill republicans. Figures, that was his plan since his birth. THat’s his destiny.

Those were not monkeys… That was a photo of the new black panther party.

Monkeys are measurably more intelligent than mohammedans.

Actually, mohanmmedans are grandsons of monkeys and pigs.

Wait until ACORN finds out about this.

I don’t know: In St. Louis and other large urban areas, monkeys kill each other every night over the last beer or some drug deal, or just because one looks at another in a funny manner.

I can’t say many do it for Allah, but they do it with abandon…

They are already doing this in Philadelphia.

Of course, the New York Post has picked up on the ‘news’ and composed a likeness of one of the new recruits:

Boy howdy, this is a good one [background here].

This comes from an outlet known as ‘Clean TV’: “CleanTV(R) avoids programming that shows unrebuked immoral behavior including rebellion, drug or excessive abuse, unnecessary excessive violence, obscenities, occult themes or alluring clothing or behavior.”

[ . . and why not have a clean relationship with your significant other? Do not encourage a girlfriend's or wife's alluring behavior. Yecch. Poo. Let her know that she drives you simply crazy when she's least alluring -- bloaty-faced at a friend's funeral, or, perhaps, first thing in the morning when she's in the bathroom: 'Knock-knock, honey. I'm feeling really cllleeeaaaann . . .' 'AAAIIIIIEEEE!!!']

Clean TV also provides breaking news content with commentary from wholly mature adults, like Jerry McGlothlin, who squirm and twitch and grimace and mock the STOOOPIT OBAMA stuff they have to report on. Jerry’s tongue spazzes enough to get off a ‘Brock Abamma,‘ a ‘vigh-za-ver-za‘ and a ‘hawkoobieshurred‘ in about two minutes, all the while continually looking over his shoulders for . . an old English teacher swinging a ruler? A bottle of softer hair dye? A Muslim cruise missile making a ballistic homo-line for his alluring backside? Pro’bly:

<------ This is the hilarious MusliNASA emblem out of the video. These are some serious people, and they should be taken seriously. Poo, poop. Poopy-doopy-doo. Rarrr-rawwrrrr-poopy scooby.

The boys at Power Line smell a rat. A Democratic rat. A unionized government employee rat. A money-grubbing stimulus bill fat cat commie wolf pack government cheese-eating rat. And aren’t we all sick and tired of those teacher, cop and construction worker parasites?

That’s all there is to it. Simple. Succinct. Stupid.

There are about 310 million people in the U.S. and about 160 million of those are employed, about 15 million of those are government employees and about 8 million are union members. You can see how we ended up running everything, how we got Obama elected just so we could douse the nation with gasoline and throw flares at it: pandering to 2.58% of America. Nothing much more to be said about us.

Since the recession started, almost eight million private sector jobs have been lost. But no worries if you’re a government employee; in the public sector, almost 600,000 jobs have been gained. We are experiencing a deep private sector recession, combined with a government boom:

I'd hardly call it a 'boom,' but there are more employees. And that's exactly how the graph is supposed to look, that's a good thing in a recession.

That was the whole idea behind the stimulus, duh. The government would step in to shoulder the employment load while the private sector was tanking. How's about another graph? This one shows where the $750 billion in stimulus funds were allocated:

Infrastructure and science, education and training and healthcare all increase the numbers of people on government payrolls. I’d certainly rather have people doing those things for the nation than have them sitting at home, looking for work. I don’t mind at all having my taxes spent that way.

Incidentally, did you notice how those three bubbles added together are still much smaller than the tax bubble? About 1/3 of the America-killing stimulus bill, the largest allocation by far, are Republicans’ vaunted tax cuts. Those were implemented far more quickly than the other provisions, so, if the bill’s been a failure so far, you know what to blame.

Workers of the private sector, arise! You can no longer afford to keep your public sector masters in the lavish style to which they have become accustomed.

Bow before us, the guys who build your roads and bridges!

A simple way to think about the Democratic Party is, you’re the human being, they’re the tapeworm. Yet they claim a weird sort of parasite’s moral superiority over you: if you point out that they have their hand in your pocket, you’re a “smartass.” The Democratic Party needs to be torn, root and branch, from our public life.

We should be murdered, every last nurse and fireman.

• 

I am exhausted. Or still a bit traumatized, maybe. Whatever it is, all I’ve been doing is sleeping and sleeping since the weekend, and I’m not much of a sleeper. I’m all whacked out.

Yeah, I know what it is — or what it was. It was that goddamned golf tournament, the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, that I drove up to over the weekend. I caught the third round on Saturday.

That’s what did it. Lord, I have never seen such an ugly collection of Republican assholes in my life. I had no inkling of the bad scene gathering at the tournament, otherwise I would have skipped it. But once I got there, I saw all the nastiness, and I had no choice but to push on through all of it. It wiped me out.

Not that I didn’t expect plenty of right-wing-ishness from my brother, The Republican, whom I love. But, hey, he’s just one guy. Going to the event with him, I certainly anticipated his bit of it.

When it turned out his big plans for us to drive to Monterey meant going in his Hummer H3, I wasn’t too surprised. My ’87 BMW was still full of musical hardware and doesn’t sport his satellite radio or beloved radar detector, so there was no point in arguing. I threw in my bag and got in.

And a half hour into the drive, somewhere around Ventura, when my brother told me that FDR ruined the Great Depression economy with his imbecilic gold policy, our first inevitable argument got underway. He followed that up by reminding me how Obama raised everybody’s income taxes, to which I reminded him he was completely wrong, and he could look it up.

And I felt bad about bitching at him, again, so I wanted to avoid arguing any more. Man, did that end up being a weekend sentence. How are you supposed to argue with complete asshole strangers? They were everywhere, they became something like the wallpaper. You can’t ding ‘em, not all of them. Especially when you realize they’re barely aware of the shit that comes out of their mouths in public.

Some guy spots a curvy black woman in a sexy dress at the restaurant bar, sitting alone. She’s the only black human in the place. “I think she’s a pro,” he mutters.

It was a weekend full of this sort of garbage. And, believe it or not, I was trying not to remember much of any of this because this is exactly the stuff I don’t want to post at my little place. It’s off target and too easy. This crap has little directly to do with the Conservatives’ twisted policies and public philosophies that kill Americans’ lives and futures. Therein lie the real dangers, that’s why I started this blog in the first place.

But I can’t seem to get back on the internet roller coaster without first puking some of it up, so, here we are.

Saturday morning, the big day, starts nauseatingly. Crammed into a large shuttle van to get us to the course, we’re all bundled up in jackets in anticipation of the cool 54-degree weather, which is normal for the area. With the engine running, the heater way up and the driver screwing off, I get overwhelmed with the acrid stench of creams and after-shaves. Even though they were still drunk, they got up early enough for a close shave, every stupid one of them, just to drown themselves in menthols and man-perfumes and alcohols, violent fogs of antiseptic neon greens and blues.

On the course, the affronts continue. Standing at the ropes on the ocean side of the 12th fairway, I am watching the early-going pros hit their tee shots and walk down to the green when a husky dude behind a bushy mustache and black shades walks up next to me. Standing almost motionless except for the robotic motion of feeding his elephant face with sunflower seeds, he spits the shells on me over and over. I begin to think about punching the guy to wake him up when a teenage girl pokes her head between us, and so he spits on her.

I move down the line. A threesome, a couple and a man in their late forties, inexplicably split to either side of me and carry on this conversation:

(couple:) “So how’s it going with Sharon?”

(man:) “It’s going ok. There’s some tension there with the oldest, Elise, but it’s not a big deal. It’s not like she’s some sort of wicked step-mother, y’know?”

“Uh-huh.”

Nobody around for 10 feet on either side, they choose to settle 10 inches to my right and my left. So they’re cocking their heads to either side of me, or trying to lean around me, to continue catching up.

“It’s frustrating with Elise, though, y’know? Throughout this, she’s been a little bitch. I don’t know, maybe she sees Sharon as competition for me, or something. I just wish she’d cut the act. After about the first 30 minutes or so, everybody settles down and then it’s okay. ”

I quickly back out of our little foursome and leave. They get one syllable of an apology out but then get really pissed. They have to move away from me. Hey, tell Elise I said hello.

All of these people, incidentally, even at 9 a.m. in the morning, are at least halfway in the bag. So much booze and cockishness and smirking stupidity, they are everywhere. So many brutal hangovers. There was one guy that we helped light his cigar because his hands were shaking too badly to light it himself. A cigar.

The golf tournament is no longer golf, it is piles of vomit-stenched charm, you bet, yes sir. The people ooze with it:

– “She double-wanted my schwanz — what am I supposed to think?”

– “Tom Watson? He’s a cock-tease, he’ll never win.”

. . as Robert Allenby lines up a 2 footer for birdie: “GET IT CLOSE!”

Laughter. It’s clear there are two things this fat mob of douchebags planned for the Open: getting slobber-drunk and basking in each other’s giddy company. They are succeeding. The belly-laughs are everywhere, they are Pebble Beach’s resounding vuvuzelas.

Not that their disappointments don’t surface as well. In this instance, the visitors are still seriously pissed off: a couple complain to two friends. They’re all in their mid-thirties, carrying soft accents from somewhere:

– “So we took a limo back to our place last night.”

– “We told the driver we were hungry, so he says ‘Oh I know where to go.’ He took us to ‘El Pollo Loco.’”

. . and that chunk of Latin would be ‘EL PAWL-OH LOH-KOH,’ for you readers.

– “‘El Pollo Loco?’”

– “I think it’s some kind of chain.”

SEE, ESS OON CHAIN. Maybe they’re from ‘ARR-KANS-ESS.’ Perhaps ‘ILL-UH-NOIZE.’

It goes on and on and on like this. I don’t want to recall any more than these few blips, they’re enough.

That Saturday night, dressed in a button down shirt and decent jeans, set for a night on this temporarily ugly, crimson-polluted town, I just conked out, went to bed. I’m glad for having missed whatever shittiness I’d have been assaulted with on the ultimate night of stubble-free chimpanzee puke fest. Could’ve been bad. Glad to have just piled everything in that stupid tank and headed home.

OH, forgot — we’re driving back, through the town of Gonzales. I notice the huge light stanchions over the high school’s football field, and I think, “Didn’t have anything like that back at Palos Verdes High, that’s for sure.”

My brother: “How’d you like to go to Gonzales High School?”

What’s wrong with Gonzales High?

“Wouldn’t want that on my resume.”

Still tired, but I’m getting over it.

POLIBLOG CRASH AND BURN

TownClownhall extra overwrought blogging. They had Obama impeached, on trial, convicted and being run out on a rail somewhere near the D.C. city limits. And then . . . the deadly dull truth shattered the whole damn thing. Countdown to a whole pile of wingnut holidays spent slowly spooning through Haagen Dazs containers behind drawn curtains:

three . .

Thursday, May 27, 2010
Sestak/White House Bribery Scandal Ends Badly However You Slice It
Posted by: Meredith Jessup at 11:50 AM

. . As you’ve undoubtedly heard by now, Sestak contends that the White House offered him a federal job in exchange for bowing out of the Democrats’ Senate primary in Pennsylvania–a potential felony offense. The White House vehemently denies any wrongdoing, and despite making the accusation on multiple occasions, Sestak has dug in and refuses to reveal names, dates and details–which leaves the entire situation at a standstill.

Aside from the obvious obstruction of justice going on here, the political ramifications of this scenario are pretty serious.

two . .

Friday, May 28, 2010
So They Say . . .
Posted by: Carol Platt Liebau at 12:02 PM

So The White House is poised to pin the blame for the Sestak job-swap debacle on former President Bill Clinton.

How convenient. It takes responsibility beyond the Obama administration and puts law enforcement in the difficult position of trying to squeeze the truth out of Bill Clinton (and, of course, does Hillary Clinton’s ambitions — whatever they might be — no good. Don’t think the administration didn’t think of that, too) . .

The truth is that no one will ever get to the bottom of this mess without the main players being put under oath — and that includes Sestak.

one . .

Friday, May 28, 2010
Updated: WH Used Clinton To Ask Sestak To Get Out Of Race, Sestak Responds
Posted by: Jillian Bandes at 1:33 PM

. . Here’s what the “anonymous” White House officials told the New York Times:

“The White House did not offer Mr. Sestak a full-time paid position because [Rahm] Emanuel wanted him to stay in the House rather than risk losing his seat. Among the positions explored by the White House was an appointment to the President’s Intelligence Advisory Board, which provides independent oversight and advice the president.”

. . Update II: Rep. Sestak has released the following statement in response to the White House’s comments from earlier today:

“. . [Clinton] said that White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel had spoken with him about my being on a Presidential Board while remaining in the House of Representatives. I said no. I told President Clinton that my only consideration in getting into the Senate race or not was whether it was the right thing to do for Pennsylvania working families and not any offer. The former President said he knew I’d say that, and the conversation moved on to other subjects . .”

. . FAIL.

Friday, May 28, 2010
So Is Sestak a Liar?
Posted by: Carol Platt Liebau at 3:14 PM

If the White House accounts are true, then it seems that Joe Sestak is a liar . .

And if Sestak lied, what does it tell us about his character that he was willing — for nothing more than his own political gain — to accuse unnamed perpetrators of an offense that could be construed as impeachable . .

. . BWAH HAAA HOOO HEEEEEEEEE CLOWNHALL FAIL BAND: