Blogger Ace of Spades dishes out his compliments and insults in his own thoroughly imitable style.

Seeing a wince-ingly bad clip by pro-choice group Emily’s List, designed to score some political points at Sarah Palin’s expense, Ace realizes what political issue is suddenly at hand. It’s not about Mama Grizzlies, or the role of government or somebody’s presidential aspirations dressed as demagoguery, naw.

This is just politics about women. Y’know — how they are.

Top Ten Problems With Emily List’s Ewok Ad

10. Too much boo-hoo, not enough yub-yub

9. Silly costumes sort of remind people that these women have to play dress up to be Mama Grizzlies, doesn’t it?

8. One time seeing furries yiffing and scritching in a fur-pile on CSI was plenty for me

7. If Sarah Palin’s so dumb and silly, why is it you who are dressed up in the bear costumes?

Fair enough.

6. Video confirms age-old stereotypes that liberal women are nothing but half-witted scruffy-looking nerf-herders

Under the makeup, inside of the bear costumes? You can’t see but about 2% of them, but they’re all so ugly. I hate ugly women.

4. I can only imagine “what’s cookin’” underneath all that latex and wool… I’m thinkin’ these women must smell like Brian Dennehy’s taint’s gym socks

I hate smelly women.

…and the number one problem with Emily’s List Ewok ad…

1. Wicket just emailed me to say only one was worth “nutting on”

When a woman isn’t worth nutting on, that is a problem. By contrast, Sarah Palin is totally worth nutting on, probably worth nutting on her face. That’s why she’s worth watching on TV or worth listening to, even with the screech screech and the blah blah. You know what I mean, right?

There goes a naked politician. Gohmert’s now caught in a stinking, lumbering lie. Might as well take his embarrassment out on Anderson Cooper.

He apparently thinks that if something could be true, then what’s the diff? No one likes a terrorist, so what does it matter if Louie’s a liar? Sheesh, Anderson.

And the ‘controversy‘ ends.

A video screencap edition. There’s this:

. . and then this:

Hmmm. It’s a puzzler. The internets is forever, heh.

Wow. What a p.r. master.

Nevada’s Tea Party right-wing Senate candidate, Sharron Angle, finally pops up in big media. She’s been dodging reporters and writers and TV people and internet sources and everybody on the planet because she’s a laughable whackjob whose public numbers are doing a Titanic now that her clownish personal views are known. Let’s abolish Social Security, Medicare, the Department of Education and fluoridation of your tap water, good ideas all.

Here, she finally sits down for an interview with a friendly face, Fox’s Carl Cameron. Carl asks her about her recent allergies to media, to which she rebounds with about as good a 25 seconds of ‘WTF?‘ as you’ll get.

The impersonation is spot on. The combination of animal self-assurance and prideful clod-hopping down the simplest path to a rout invokes Dwight Schrute in oblivious glory. The lack of awareness is nothing to be ashamed of, no, it’s a killer feature of the overall Angle nature. Albeit a disturbingly, psychotically grinning and head-bobbing nature.

Sharron Angle will just do what Sharron Angle will do. For example, if you, say, try to use her personal views, once proudly laid out for all to see on her former website, against her in a political campaign and the tactic begins to work, you will be accosted with lawsuits. You must be stopped from being effective. That’s what Sharron Angle will do. It’s not about Sharron Angle, it’s about Sharron Angle simply winning.

Speaking of which, help out Carl, here, Sharron — why were you having such a bad time dealing with the media? What were you trying to do?

[grin] Well . . .

1.) We had to transform the media into friends.
2.) SO that they would ask the questions we wanted them to ask.
3.) SO that we could get the answers out that made us look good.
4.) SO that we could lobby the audiences to go to Sharron Angle dot com.
5.) SO that they would donate at Sharron Angle dot com.
6.) LIKE your listeners, who can go to Sharron Angle dot com.

A Senate campaign’s pretty simple, really:

Gee, toma, how did you miss this?

Are you a news junkie? Do you follow current events and love a good story? Me too.

Then tell me if this looks familiar — this is some coverage of the controversy over the latest iPhone. You know, the antenna problems and Apple’s reactions to consumer complaints and so on. This comes to us from billionaire Jimmy Lai’s Taiwan and Hong Kong media factories:

What the hell was that? Other than hilarious? That was the future of tabloid news.

Jimmy Lai didn’t get to be so successful by waiting for good things to happen to him, he makes good things happen. And when the publisher of popular Next Magazine, “which combine(s) tabloid sensationalism with hard-hitting political and business reporting,” gets a juicy story, he knows how to get people to read or see Next’s version of it.

What he didn’t know how to do, until now, was to get his hands on the critical video or images of a big story when they didn’t exist. That was frustrating. Until he came up with the answer to his problem: he’ll just make the video himself using live action animation:

It’s a bit of genius, really. The whole thing puts the jokers at Fox News to shame.

Since you know you’re really in the news business to pump schlock into the shallow sewers of pop culture, why bother with the pretense of hiring on-air personalities? Why pay them ridiculous amounts of money, indulge their egos, tell everybody how trustworthy they are, spend years waiting for them to develop a relationship with the audience?

The only reason they’re there is to mouth your pre-written yellow journalism. They’re just puppets for your sure-fire pop sensationalism. Why not just cut out the airheads and their egos and get straight to the point, right? You wanna know what went on in that hotel room with Al Gore and that masseuse? I’ll tell you what went on, right here:

Forget trying to get Bill O’Reilly to report that stuff — one way or another he’ll screw up the message and insert himself into the middle of the story because he’s a self-important idiot. You can get your animation people to write, act, film and animate the whole thing in a matter of hours for far less than a day’s pay of O’Reilly’s bloated salary.

Better yet, the clip does what O’Reilly could only dream of: it shows people the story. That’s what they really want. Who wants to watch self-important jackasses read things on air? Fuck that nonsense. Show me the news. Show me all of the news, I want to see it.

Lai is only too happy to oblige. And his animation unit are no slouches, in any respect. They are savvy, they are hip, they know American pop culture like the back of their hands and they are great at putting clips together. This Sarah Palin clip is brilliant — it’s the best thing I’ve seen all year. Be sure to catch the screen crawls during the Fox News bit:

Taking the piss out of the rich and self-important, that’s what’s going on here. It’s as classic a goal of the wildly successful cheap journalists as there is. Though it may be too much for Americans to buy into — I’m not sure why, Fox’s reporting is nowhere near as faithful as some of these clips — it’s not going away any time soon in Jimmy Lai’s world. Like all tabloid news, as long as it’s spirited, timely, contains a bit of humor and a molecule or two of truth, people will gobble it up.

Say, did you hear about Justin Bieber’s internet pranksters?

Ad in PA race:

If you’d asked Tom DeLay, he’d have admitted to pretty much owning the epithet ‘The Hammer.’ He enjoyed being called that, and that’s the way guys operate. But this Pelosi, this female politician, she’s out of control. She’s some kind of monster.

For some background on the tragedy, click over to this previous post: El Paso Border Patrol agent fires into crowd of Juarez rock throwers, kills 14 year old

Well, the first lies have already been exposed in the tragic shooting and killing of Mexican teenager Sergio Adrian Hernandez Guereca. Stay tuned for more to follow.

Allegedly fearing for his life and surrounded by a “crowd” (as I wrote, above) of violent rock-throwers, the agent, patrolling in the culvert that forms the border between El Paso and Ciudad Juarez, fired in self-defense and hit the 14 15 year-old’s head. Or so they said.

“Another agent arrived on his bicycle along the cement apron that forms the riverbank on the U.S. side,” [FBI agent Andrea] Simmons said in a release. “That agent detained a second subject, Augustin Alcaraz Reyes, but other subjects ran into Mexico and began to throw rocks at the agent.

“This agent, who had the second subject detained on the ground, gave verbal commands to the remaining subjects to stop and retreat,” Simmons said. “However, the subjects surrounded the agent and continued to throw rocks at him. The agent then fired his service weapon several times, striking one subject who later died.”

A Top 10 Rule for Post-Modern Life: Don’t foist a despicable lie upon the public that tomorrow’s cell phone clip will blow out of the water.

Looks like stone cold murder to me. Unless they suddenly want to add the boy, incidentally, had a bazooka in his hands.

That’s all I want to say about this today. One, it’s just too sad. Two, this is an international scandal worthy of weeks of discussion. Three, Americans don’t give a fuck. They are a hard-hearted people when it comes to the deaths and lives of Mexicans.

I imagine it’s safe to say that clumsy, anti-immigration Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is no media genius. It’s probably safe to add that she’s no political genius, either. But it’s certainly now safer to say she’s neither after the release of this silly commercial.

She and her staff thought it’d be a good idea to go after her national liberal detractors through the viral and social media. Unfortunately, this was the best they could do: a dirt-cheap frog fist-puppet, an amateur voice-over (likely a staffer or hack production assistant) so poor that it’s unintelligible, and a 3-line tune devoid of anything resembling rhythm or rhyme. All against a backlit-only background that our Mexican Home Depot locals could’ve painted and pounded out in 90 minutes. This is a statement by the people “driving the debate” on our national immigration policies:

Ran across this guy on Wonkette. He is an actual Republican Senate candidate in Kentucky, so his dreams are being shattered as we speak.

His name is Gurley L. Martin and he has plenty of stuff to tell you. So there’s his website, where his 3 page ‘Intent to File’ paperwork is chocked full of dust-and-cobweb crazy things. Like how America ran off the rails . . back in 1928 (he remembers). He also says that any legislation that fills more than 46 pages of 8.5 by 11 inch paper (12 point font type) should be deemed unacceptable and unconstitutional. And, of course, he says Obama is not the legit Commander in Chief: “Note this: there R more of US, than there IS of U! U will C — hoping 4 change — in U!” Or something like that, it’s not easy to transcribe musty whackadoodle. There’s more of that in his handbills, if you care to look.

But the clips are the thing. At some point, Kentuckians actually got a few of the candidates together at a small forum where they took turns answering questions, or some such silly thing. This first one, Gurley recalls a “rape — ist” getting hanged in 11,000 B.C. And . . he wasn’t even black. Which, of course, means that it’s the black candidate’s turn to come to the podium:

Wow indeed. The other candidates presumably answered nonsense with nonsense and then moved on to the next question. His turn again, Gurley gets back up and returns to what now appears to be his earliest and fondest memory, the execution. Oh, and incidentally, he likes women and cars, but, no, he’s neither raped nor stolen any of them. To which, as if to answer the call of the loneliest whip-poor-will, a single person applauds. Then he gives a shout out to Go-Daddy (seriously), says “nookyooluss”, and then, having announced that he’s going to trounce everybody, turns around to stare down his lesser foes, arms outstretched, like . . “EAT IT BITCHEZ.” Here:

There is also a less triumphant version of Gurley as well. Here‘s a video where a real, serious debate between the Senate candidates gets underway and state troopers have to haul the old coot off. “MY NAME IS GURLEY MARTIN!!“

Fresh off witnessing the mysteries of what the right-wing call “funny,” we move on to a bigger head-scratcher: The Sarah Palin phenomenon. She’s not just popular with the trailer-parkin’ mouth-breathin’ lots — that alone would be merely amusing. Conservative ‘intellectuals’ (?) find all sorts of things to praise about her. It is absolutely impossible, but it happens again and again.

Here’s a case: Tony Lee in The Atlantic writes the sort of piece that Sarah would immediately post on her Facebook page if she only understood it. No, she is not a gold-digging trifle, she is a substantive woman. She’s a major political figure who poses the single greatest threat to the Democrats and to Barack Obama. Tony says this is the force, the potential, and the political whirlwind. This is the future of Republican politics:

A Conservative’s Case for Sarah Palin’s Genius
May 16 2010, 1:24 PM ET | Comment

I hadn’t seen Sarah Palin speak in person since the 2008 elections. If one just watched or read mainstream media accounts of her paid speeches and appearances since then, including some accounts that have been featured on this site, one may have come to the conclusion that Palin was just a money-hungry ex-politician devoid of conviction, half-heartedly speaking to various interest groups and causes to line her pockets or raise her national profile to peddle books that she didn’t even write herself.

I call bullshit. No one said she was a half-hearted anything, that’s for sure. She’s an enthusiastic empty vessel, everybody knows that. A pin-headed cheerleader for a grateful and oblivious right-wing.

Curious about how such memes can develop among supposedly intelligent commentators (most of whom are on the left, but the right has its fair share too), I went to Palin’s speech in Washington, D.C. on Friday, where she spoke at a breakfast hosted by The Susan B. Anthony List, an extremely influential pro-life organization.

Nowhere did I see a caricature of a bumbling dolt just going through the motions. What I did hear was substance. Warmth. Humor. Unapologetic feistiness. And an optimistic belief in conservative values and principles. And what I saw was the makings of a potentially transcendent and transformational figure not only for the conservative movement but for American politics.

I dare you to watch this for yourself and see anything of what this Tony Lee speaks. How can intelligent people watch this and see a similar intelligence? How could they possibly see a future? She would have to govern the American people, after all — can you imagine that? A president who’s dumber than 80% of the populace? Why would that be good? Why would people desire it?

There’s little point in posting Glenn Beck’s crap any more, I avoid it. But I’ll put this one up, and here’s why: it’s a picture perfect imitation of a Klansman.

Gays and women and blacks and handicaps and immigrants make up a majority of the country. But that’s not America. The real country is a bunch of selfish, entitled, scared white boys, Glenn Beck’s audience. They’re a hungry bunch, too, they get served this in heaping portions every day.